Spilt Wine

Jason-

My friend. My dear friend, time has passed through us all to quick.
Just 7 years ago we drank the beers we did not want to afford and smoked decent cigars, dreaming of the life we were perusing. Like you said, we must admit, we were still coming up.

What will be of us 7 years from now? Will we still be coming up? Let us be like the mighty Oaks that seem to live forever and never stop growing. Let us be like the oaks we use to sit under in the summer evenings, giving peace, comfort, and strength to those who walk through our lives.

Happy birthday my dear friend. May this be your best year thus far!

Gracelynn Ann Wallace (Gracie)
Born March 26, 2004 at 5:50 pm.
8lbs 1 oz
19 1/2 inches long

I will post Pics soon.

Where have you gone old friend?
I found you in a place where I can not go.
I wish and pray that you come to the place you were once at.
I run this race alone now.
It is a race that most of the time I feel I can not win.
Times when I was out of breath and tired, you got me going again.
I use to hold hopes that you could win the race for both of us.
Hopes that you could run faster and further than I ever could.
I now run without you, hoping that one day you will join me again and we can finish this thing together with our heads held high.
I miss you dear friend of mine.

He who thinks he is finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. Those who think they are saints, are demons.

- Henri Nouwen, The Grenesee Diary.

How do you swim when the waves relentlessly crash down on you?
How do you breath when you have the weight of stress on your chest?
How do you sleep when you only dream about waking hours?
How do you eat when your stomach has tied it’s self in a knot?
How do you pray when it appears He is not listening?
How do you rest when you feel restless?
How do you find beauty when all you see is horror?

Maybe she will bring answers.

In the summer on 1993, my family or at least my father, had decided to move us to Springfield, Missouri. This came as quite a shock, mainly, because I now finally had friends. I had adventures to go on during the hot summer nights in Visalia. I had the interest of a girl. I discovered the taste of beer, and life for a 15 year-old boy was good.

My father told us ( us being my mother, siblings and I) that Missouri would be a better life for us. My father said that he could make as much money there, and that the price of living was cheaper. So, it was done. I dropped out of summer school. I said goodbye to my friends and we had a giant moving sale. We sold every piece of furniture and belonging we could part with.

The monies made in our giant garage sale were not enough to move the family across the country, so my father took me the flea market. I watched as he wheeled and dealed for a couple of tents, and some camping gear. The new game plan was to camp all the way to Missouri, thus saving money in motel expenses. This was strangely odd to me because my family had never gone camping. However, my boyish instincts kicked in and I was full of excitement and anticipation of adventures of fishing and exploring.

On this family move, we crammed a family of 6 in a four door Cadillac. The family car was a true hoopty. It was a pea green, with cream color interior. The seating arrangements were as follows; my father drove the whole time, my sister rode in between my father and mother in the front. My youngest brother rode in the middle of my brother Joe and I. I usually sat in the seat behind my father. Now, picture this, a family of six, in a pea green Cadillac, towing a U-Hal trailer. Not one of the Wallace’s finest hours.

Anyhow, I remember one place we stayed at during this surreal adventure. I am not sure what state or city we were in, but I can remember the campsite vividly. After driving all day, we pulled up to this KOA off of the free way. My brother Joe and I were directed by our father to set up the tents. After camp was set up, we were off to explore. We had a pellet gun with us, so Joe and I took off looking to kill something. We found our way to a dry creek bed. Under a bridge we found what seemed to be hundreds of sparrow nests. The birds flew all around us as we entered their territory. I remember the scenery. It was one of the first times, where I found nature to be beautiful. The sun was setting and these little birds were flying all around us in the orange sky. It was very peaceful. Strangely, even though I felt as if I had experienced something beautiful from nature, I was still compelled to take aim at the birds that flew around us.

After a while we were called back to camp, where my mother had prepared dinner. After dinner was finished and the darkness rolled upon us I had discovered something new. My brother and I discover fireflies. We spent the remainder of the night chasing the bugs and catching them in a jar. The summer air was warm, and the grass was green and soft under our bare feet. We chased and chased the fireflies until we could not chase any more.

What I remember most of this one particular night, was the next morning. I woke up to a smell of bacon. When I crawled out of the tent, I found my father cooking breakfast. This took me by surprised because I have never seen my father cook.. It was early in the morning and the sparrows were chirping, letting everyone know that the sun was rising.

As I ate my breakfast, I wondered if my father really wanted to make us breakfast, or was it he just happen to want breakfast for himself. Since he was cooking himself some bacon and eggs, he thought he better throw a couple extra eggs and strips of bacon for the kids.

I live cement
I hate this street
It turns to me
I've got lament
This human form
Where I was born
I now repent

Caribou, caribou, caribou

Repent, repent

Give me white
Ground to run
And forgone
Lets me knife
Knife me lets
I will get
What I like

Caribou, caribou, caribou

Repent, repent

(Frank Black/Pixies- Caribou, which he played during his encore set.)

Tonight, the moon lit up the cool crisp night. To inhale the night air is cleansing and soothing to the soul.

Tonight’s sky is a dark blue rather than it’s typical black color of the space beyond. The sky reminds me of the classic cartoons, where the artist would use navy blue to color the night sky.

Nights like this beckon for me to leave this home of mine and to embark on a cartoon adventure. To live out stories that no one will believe. To live out stories that make people laugh. To live out stories that people relate.

Tonight’s adventure lead me to the local tavern, were I knew my father had been drinking for an hour too long. Greeted by smiles, as someone announces “this here is big Al’s son!” After about 5 or 6 introductions to people who I have all met before, but they were too drunk to remember, I sat with my dad. As I sipped on a glass of water and a warm corona, I listen to my father vent his disappointment of my sister's pregnancy. I listen as he made people around him laugh. I spoke when he asked me if he was right to quit his job.

“Yes father, your self worth and pride is worth far more than any pay check.”
“Now let me drive you home. “

Valley storm passed through, leaving the fields dark and moist, ready to yield the spring crops. Mountains appeared a little closer, grass a little greener, clouds a little whiter, sun a little brighter, and air a little bit crisper.
Every ranch or dairy I drove by had baby lambs and cattle wandering behind their mothers. The valley life was yawning and stretching, after a long winter slumber. Life today was so vibrant.

Is life always this vibrant, and apparent?

5 reasons I am Pissed Off this morning

1 My pants are too tight
2 I drive a big ass truck and gas is $2.10 a gallon
3 My coffee was watered down this morning
4 Everything I voted NO on yesterday passed
5 Friday is still 2 days away!

I just added a photo album to the right, under links. Feel free to check it out.

Ok, here is one of Audrey's baby pics. Lets all hope Gracie looks like her mother.