Spilt Wine

My feelings were drastically changed towards the war in Iraq within one day. After three years of the War on Terrorism, it has finally hit home. On Wednesday, I found out that my sister’s husband (my brother-in-law) as been reactivated and leaves for Kuwait on November 30. This is after he has already served his country for four years and was honorably discharged a little more than a year ago. Even though he was discharged from the Army, he remains as a reserve and the Army has the authority to call him and others up at their will, which they are exercising. I feel bad for him because he has already spent 2 years in Afghanistan, and now he has to go back to the Middle East. Worse yet, he and my sister just had a baby. All of the things I get to enjoy with Gracie, he will not. He will not be there for his baby’s first Christmas, or when he begins to crawl and walk. I am not sure how long Chad will be gone, but it is at least a year, which I highly doubt will be that short.

So, I find myself appreciating the time I get to spend with Gracie, now that I actually see that there are fathers who are not given the same opportunity. I feel and understand the stress and worries of the military families, which I have been cold to up to this point. I also find myself re-evaluating my uncle roll and its new importance. Finally, I find myself rethinking this war and its justification or at least the way it is being fought.

In a cemetery at midnight I sit as dead as those beneath.
My heart still beats, but it does not know the death of the flesh.
After cool air fills my lungs, I exhale unwanted desires and lusts.
In a cemetery at midnight I sit as dead as those beneath.
My heart is as dark as the night that circumferences me.
A heart I wish to put rest tonight.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything


What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here


What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

-Johnny Cash-Hurt

The more often you allow yourself to fail,
the easier it becomes to ignore.
The more you ignore,
the more it becomes routine.
The more routine,
the more acceptable it becomes.
Once failure is accepted, victory is impossible.

It's designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything is new again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains comes, it stops, and leaves you to face the fall alone.
-A. BARTLETT GIAMATTI

But I love it anyhow! Go Dodgers!