Friday, October 17, 2003
Forgiveness
What is forgiveness exactly?
Is there different forms of forgiveness?
How does God forgive me?
In my marriage, I ask for forgiveness often, and I also forgive my wife often as well.
When we get mad at each other, or hurt each others feelings, we fight but then we say sorry and life goes on. If it is a good fight, it may even follow with make up sex. I like the make up sex, but I wish we could get to the good sex without the fight. You know?
Anyhow, I received a phone call from, I guess I would call him a friend. This person and his wife were friends with my wife and I. Then for no apparent reason battle lines were drawn. I am not sure what we had done, so we tried to kill the tension with kindness. I would encourage this guy on the softball field, we would make sure we said hi to them at church, but we always got a cold shoulder in return. To make the situation more difficult, another couple who we brought to church and shared Christ with also began to give us the same treatment.
At first we prayed for them when we went to sleep at night. But every time they hurt us by the cold shoulder, or the non invites to parties (the ones that everyone else was invited to) I became more defensive. I would wonder, what did we do to deserve treatment like this?
At one point my wife e-mailed these people and apologized for anything that we may have done to hurt or offend them, but they never responded. Soon after that other people started to get involved trying to mediate and find out why there was such a distance between us and the two other couples.
My wife then had enough, she said she was going to call them and apologize again for anything we may have done. I told her that we didn't have to because we did everything we needed to. My wife's response was " what would Jesus do? He would just lay down." How could I argue with that. So I went into the garage to hide and smoke my pipe. She made the call and left a message, but never received a phone call back.
Now at this point I have written these people off. I have plenty of friends and I don't need to beg for people's friendship. Then a turn of events came. The couple who we brought to church called us. And since then we have rebuilt that friendship.
But with that, their friendship with the couple that put up a wall against us fell apart and are now on non-speaking terms. Another turn of events came soon after, the wife of the couple who would not talk to us began to talk to my wife again, but remaining on non-speaking terms with the couple that we brought to church. ( I hope all this she said he said stuff make sense.) It has been this way for a month now. I have pretty much written this off to God waiting for Him to handle this.
Then today I received that phone call from the husband of the couple that we have become distant with. He apologized for the distance, and said that he wanted to make things right. I told him, there was no need to apologize, and that everything was cool. He replied that he had been wrong for the treatment he gave us and that God has opened his eyes a lot within the last month. We then had a short conversation about the events that were going on within our lives and talked about getting together soon.
That's the problem, what do I do now? I am not hurt or angry. I am relieved actually, but am I obligated to have this personal friendship again? Because if so, I don't think I want it. Is it bad that I want to keep this couple in a social space, and hang out with them at party type events, rather then having them over for dinner.
What does Jesus do when I hurt or deny him and then ask for forgiveness? Does he say "sure, but we are now on an acquaintance level. I will call you, don't call me. "
Can there be different levels of forgiveness? The forgiveness that I share with my wife, the type that hurts to be mad at each other and when you forgive and forget you kinda grow deeper together, verse the kind that I am experiencing now. The kind that is sure, I forgive and I am not mad, but I don't want to grow closer.
I know how Jesus forgave Peter, but how did Jesus forgive Judas and on what level? If there are any levels.
Maybe forgiveness levels lie somewhere in the levels of investment. Depending on how much you have invested in the relationship will depend on how much you forgive. Or maybe it it is the other way around. Your forgiveness level will lie in how much you want to invest.
What is forgiveness exactly?
Is there different forms of forgiveness?
How does God forgive me?
In my marriage, I ask for forgiveness often, and I also forgive my wife often as well.
When we get mad at each other, or hurt each others feelings, we fight but then we say sorry and life goes on. If it is a good fight, it may even follow with make up sex. I like the make up sex, but I wish we could get to the good sex without the fight. You know?
Anyhow, I received a phone call from, I guess I would call him a friend. This person and his wife were friends with my wife and I. Then for no apparent reason battle lines were drawn. I am not sure what we had done, so we tried to kill the tension with kindness. I would encourage this guy on the softball field, we would make sure we said hi to them at church, but we always got a cold shoulder in return. To make the situation more difficult, another couple who we brought to church and shared Christ with also began to give us the same treatment.
At first we prayed for them when we went to sleep at night. But every time they hurt us by the cold shoulder, or the non invites to parties (the ones that everyone else was invited to) I became more defensive. I would wonder, what did we do to deserve treatment like this?
At one point my wife e-mailed these people and apologized for anything that we may have done to hurt or offend them, but they never responded. Soon after that other people started to get involved trying to mediate and find out why there was such a distance between us and the two other couples.
My wife then had enough, she said she was going to call them and apologize again for anything we may have done. I told her that we didn't have to because we did everything we needed to. My wife's response was " what would Jesus do? He would just lay down." How could I argue with that. So I went into the garage to hide and smoke my pipe. She made the call and left a message, but never received a phone call back.
Now at this point I have written these people off. I have plenty of friends and I don't need to beg for people's friendship. Then a turn of events came. The couple who we brought to church called us. And since then we have rebuilt that friendship.
But with that, their friendship with the couple that put up a wall against us fell apart and are now on non-speaking terms. Another turn of events came soon after, the wife of the couple who would not talk to us began to talk to my wife again, but remaining on non-speaking terms with the couple that we brought to church. ( I hope all this she said he said stuff make sense.) It has been this way for a month now. I have pretty much written this off to God waiting for Him to handle this.
Then today I received that phone call from the husband of the couple that we have become distant with. He apologized for the distance, and said that he wanted to make things right. I told him, there was no need to apologize, and that everything was cool. He replied that he had been wrong for the treatment he gave us and that God has opened his eyes a lot within the last month. We then had a short conversation about the events that were going on within our lives and talked about getting together soon.
That's the problem, what do I do now? I am not hurt or angry. I am relieved actually, but am I obligated to have this personal friendship again? Because if so, I don't think I want it. Is it bad that I want to keep this couple in a social space, and hang out with them at party type events, rather then having them over for dinner.
What does Jesus do when I hurt or deny him and then ask for forgiveness? Does he say "sure, but we are now on an acquaintance level. I will call you, don't call me. "
Can there be different levels of forgiveness? The forgiveness that I share with my wife, the type that hurts to be mad at each other and when you forgive and forget you kinda grow deeper together, verse the kind that I am experiencing now. The kind that is sure, I forgive and I am not mad, but I don't want to grow closer.
I know how Jesus forgave Peter, but how did Jesus forgive Judas and on what level? If there are any levels.
Maybe forgiveness levels lie somewhere in the levels of investment. Depending on how much you have invested in the relationship will depend on how much you forgive. Or maybe it it is the other way around. Your forgiveness level will lie in how much you want to invest.
