Saturday, November 08, 2003
Self Celebration
As I continue to read through Jason's thesis, I am finding that celebration of self is a good thing. I have always known being alone at times feels good. In past entries I have mentioned that when I place more value on myself over others (community) I often feel guilty or selfish. Especially when someone calls me on my lack of participation in community, ie Scott. It feels good to celebrate self, but at the same time you kinda feel guilty or wonder if it is wrong of you for putting yourself over others, but it appears that this is an important function of ones own well being.
I want to take a moment to define what I feel self celebration is. Placing more value on yourself over the community does not mean using the community of others for your own personal agenda advancements. That I would find extremely selfish and it does nothing good for society. What self celebration means to me is a time to connect by yourself with your soul, heart, mind, and God. The connection with the community found within ourselves. Which I am gathering is what Whitman is sharing.
Being allowed to disconnect from the outer community, though Whitman applies that you can never really do that, but nonetheless, disconnected for a short time to find self realization, reflection, and regaining of strength has to be balanced with your participation in community. Balanced with the time you place outside community above yourself.
There is something to be admired with the self or personal sacrifice of one for the overall well being of the community. Something about being a super hero for a moment. The only problem is no one knows you are a hero or sees you as a hero. No one recognizes your uniform and cape. You feel beat up and drained, so you go and heal in that personal quiet place. You place value on yourself over community and celebrate your self.
I found that Jesus did this too, though he never disconnected from the community or relationship with the Father. Jesus would disconnect from the human community and go out on a boat, or into the wilderness, or find a garden for prayer, and climb to the tops of mountains, all for what Whitman called self celebration. A time to spend connecting with his soul and God, and it is good.
One last thought. If we are going to celebrate ourselves when we are alone, shouldn't we also celebrate when we are in community with each other?
How often do I feel obligated to participate in communities such as union meetings, birthday lunches, or church rather then looking forward to an oppurtunity to celebrate life with others? How often do I not answer the phone when I am really home, or feel obligated to hang out with someone in order not to hurt their feelings. I will tell you. A lot! And were is the celebration within that?
I told Ruben and Willie, that I sometimes miss the days where we all had tumbled together for a short time. I miss the community we once had, of Jason, Willie, Joey, Zane, Ruben, Matt, Jay, Leo, Codie, Kerra, Chandra, and the list goes on. I have realized though I may never see some of those people again, or have community with them, but what I have is great memories.
What has been sad is that when a few of us get together we try to relive those times, or try to recreate that sense of community we once had. But we always go back home empty handed thinking, man I wish it was like it use to be.
We have been getting it all wrong.
Those days are gone, and what made them special was our celebration. Our celebration of daily breakfast at Lyons, our weekend camp outs and barbecues. Our celebration of a beautiful afternoon, by cutting class and going to the mountains. I never ever felt obligated to go to Lyons, I never felt obligated to invite my friends camping, I wanted them there, I wanted to be there, but now the celebration has left me. Community connection often feels like a task rather then a celebration. When the boys all arrive in town I feel obligated to go out for one night so I don't offend anyone. What happen to the desire to celebrate our friendships.
If I can get the mind set of community participation needs to be a celebration of life rather then a duty or task, I think I will find more joy in life. We all will.
I have ranted long enough, hope I made sense, because I am not sure I do.
As I continue to read through Jason's thesis, I am finding that celebration of self is a good thing. I have always known being alone at times feels good. In past entries I have mentioned that when I place more value on myself over others (community) I often feel guilty or selfish. Especially when someone calls me on my lack of participation in community, ie Scott. It feels good to celebrate self, but at the same time you kinda feel guilty or wonder if it is wrong of you for putting yourself over others, but it appears that this is an important function of ones own well being.
I want to take a moment to define what I feel self celebration is. Placing more value on yourself over the community does not mean using the community of others for your own personal agenda advancements. That I would find extremely selfish and it does nothing good for society. What self celebration means to me is a time to connect by yourself with your soul, heart, mind, and God. The connection with the community found within ourselves. Which I am gathering is what Whitman is sharing.
Being allowed to disconnect from the outer community, though Whitman applies that you can never really do that, but nonetheless, disconnected for a short time to find self realization, reflection, and regaining of strength has to be balanced with your participation in community. Balanced with the time you place outside community above yourself.
There is something to be admired with the self or personal sacrifice of one for the overall well being of the community. Something about being a super hero for a moment. The only problem is no one knows you are a hero or sees you as a hero. No one recognizes your uniform and cape. You feel beat up and drained, so you go and heal in that personal quiet place. You place value on yourself over community and celebrate your self.
I found that Jesus did this too, though he never disconnected from the community or relationship with the Father. Jesus would disconnect from the human community and go out on a boat, or into the wilderness, or find a garden for prayer, and climb to the tops of mountains, all for what Whitman called self celebration. A time to spend connecting with his soul and God, and it is good.
One last thought. If we are going to celebrate ourselves when we are alone, shouldn't we also celebrate when we are in community with each other?
How often do I feel obligated to participate in communities such as union meetings, birthday lunches, or church rather then looking forward to an oppurtunity to celebrate life with others? How often do I not answer the phone when I am really home, or feel obligated to hang out with someone in order not to hurt their feelings. I will tell you. A lot! And were is the celebration within that?
I told Ruben and Willie, that I sometimes miss the days where we all had tumbled together for a short time. I miss the community we once had, of Jason, Willie, Joey, Zane, Ruben, Matt, Jay, Leo, Codie, Kerra, Chandra, and the list goes on. I have realized though I may never see some of those people again, or have community with them, but what I have is great memories.
What has been sad is that when a few of us get together we try to relive those times, or try to recreate that sense of community we once had. But we always go back home empty handed thinking, man I wish it was like it use to be.
We have been getting it all wrong.
Those days are gone, and what made them special was our celebration. Our celebration of daily breakfast at Lyons, our weekend camp outs and barbecues. Our celebration of a beautiful afternoon, by cutting class and going to the mountains. I never ever felt obligated to go to Lyons, I never felt obligated to invite my friends camping, I wanted them there, I wanted to be there, but now the celebration has left me. Community connection often feels like a task rather then a celebration. When the boys all arrive in town I feel obligated to go out for one night so I don't offend anyone. What happen to the desire to celebrate our friendships.
If I can get the mind set of community participation needs to be a celebration of life rather then a duty or task, I think I will find more joy in life. We all will.
I have ranted long enough, hope I made sense, because I am not sure I do.
