Spilt Wine

One of the questions for tonight’s class is what is it that reminds you of God’s grace, love and acceptance?

I don’t think it is possible for any of us to truly understand God’s love and grace to its full extent, but I am starting to grasp a sliver of it through Gracie. There is nothing I would not do for her. I would give up my life for my friends and my wife without complaint or fear, because that is the right thing to do. But with Gracie, there is no second thought about it. I would do it with such urgency and in a matter of a blink of an eye.

For the last three nights, Gracie has been waking up around 3:30 in the morning, wanting attention and to play. Now if any of you woke me up at 3:30 in the morning, you would likely get a shoe upside your head. However, there is so much love for her that I can’t get mad or frustrated. When I open my eyes the first thing I see is her smiling at me. How could I get made at that?

When I close my eyes again, trying to fall asleep, she goes through all of the things she knows how to do in order to get our attention, fake cough, squeal, hits us in the head or pulls our hair, grunts and pants like a little puppy.

Still, I don’t have it in me to be frustrated. I have to make a confession at this point. At this time of night, I just lay in bed. It is Audrey who gets up and puts Gracie in her swing and turns on the Baby Einstein DVD for her to watch while we try to go back to sleep.
So, there you have it. My last few hours of sleep in the early morning are done with Baby Einstein playing in the background. I wonder if it will make me any smarter? Maybe the music, sounds and the repeated words like “water”, or “blue” being played while I am in the state of REM will enhance my IQ?

Ok, back to my main point. What is it that reminds me of God’s grace and love? It’s Gracie. I know she will hurt me when she gets older, by not wanting to hold my hand or give me a hug in public, or any of the other basic stuff kids do when they start to become independent. But that wont change my love her.

Gracie will be six months old on the 26th. I was looking at pictures of her as a newborn. It is amazing to me to see how much she has changed and grown in a matter of 181 days.
She laughs now, sits up, expresses her will and wants to put everything in her mouth.
It is also remarkable how much I have changed. I am great full for this little agent of change, who is teaching me to be less selfish. I can’t imagine life with out her.

To whom I dump my trash on. To whom do I push out of my soul when my very own selfishness takes up all of the space. To whom do I avoid when I don’t want to speak? To whom do I hurt the most. To whom I wish I were better. To whom my pride is always in the way. To whom I am sorry.

Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.

- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Lady in her forties, whose head is always tilted towards her right shoulder, and always looking down.

Odd that for as long as I can remember, she has walked or rode her bike everywhere, but she has continued to gain weight over the last 16 years. Her body now shaped like a pear. Her weight gain is the only thing that has changed about her. She still wears the same haircut; mousy brown hair that hangs just above her shoulders. She still walks or rides her bike all over Visalia, never making eye contact with people.

I feel like I know this lady, but I have never had a good look at her face or looked into her eyes. Her name is a mystery, just like her thoughts and destinations.

Maybe I know her like I know the buildings or parks in Visalia. Is it that she has become apart of this town in the sense that she has just blended into and has become apart of the scenery? How do you do that? Is it that she has been cast out by society and forced in to a scenery roll, or has she chosen this to play this part in society?