Monday, March 20, 2006
The Cassini space probe has recently returned high definition pictures of Saturn’s moon Enceladus that indicate there are pools of liquid water under the moon’s surface, scientists announced on Thursday.
As expected, the news of water on a celestial object other than our own has raised grave concern about the possibility of space sharks.
“Holy crap, the space sharks will kill us all,” said local scaredy cat Sean Smith.
Space sharks are much like normal sharks, except they are from space. They are born in water like normal sharks but are capable of swimming through the air in low gravity environments like a moon’s surface or space. They have razor sharp teeth and jaws strong enough to bite through a Ford Pinto.
Water might be an indication that space shark life could exist on Enceladus. But Linda Spilker, Cassini Deputy Project Scientist, was not ready to suggest the threat of space sharks is real.
"That's a very tough question to answer, but certainly something that we'll be thinking about now that there appears to be a liquid water source on Enceladus," she said.
Most likely the space sharks were trapped under the surface of the moon by an ancient and mysterious race who knew the untold chaos that the space sharks would cause should they be allowed to roam free. The findings were published in this week's issue of "Space Shark Fancy."
"Thinking ahead, this might mean that some day we might want to plant a nuclear explosive near a crack on Enceladus or firebomb the entire moon," she said. “Should the space sharks ever escape their prison moon alive, there is no telling what sort of havoc they could cause to our delicate space program. No man would ever dare step foot in space with the threat of space sharks, that would be an instant death sentence.”
Cassini, which was funded by NASA and the European and Italian space agencies, launched in 1997 and took seven years to make the 934 million-mile (1.5 billion-kilometer) trip to Saturn. Its primary goal has always been to determine whether or not space sharks are a plausible threat to mankind.
