Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Getting honest with myself has not been an easy thing. I am having to swallow a lot of pride and admit things I have become accustom to ignore. I have realized that I am not a well person. I have flawed thinking, I am emotionally weaker than I portray, I want to control things I have no business or ability to control and I have this desire deep inside me to engage in self-destructive behaviors. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life, but if I stop and really reflect on what I am doing, there is a sense of peace I feel in not having to pretend that I am all right. No more masks, no more hiding secrets and no more living in exclusion and isolation due to guilt and embarrassment. I am far from being strong from my dependencies but at this moment I am free and that feels good. Good enough to keep going.
