Spilt Wine

I have an A.A. funny.

Jerry, an 80-year-old ex-farmer, ex-cop and ex drunk was sharing about some of his old drinking days. He said he always hated the morning after a late night out with some co-workers because he would always get the same question, “ do you know how much you drank last night?” which he always responded with “no” because he was a blackout drinker. He said he hated that question because quote “ here was an asshole who knows more about my drinking than I did.”

A.A. Qoute of the week:
"At first, I took a drink, then the drink took a drink, then the drink took me."

Its just our first day back from vacation and already I feel overwhelmed and pressed! I was thinking in my math class tonight that I should maybe drop the class due to falling behind. Then I thought about cutting back some of my A.A. meetings. I don't really feel like I can afford to do either. Then add work hours and family time and commitment to my responsibilities, I almost feel like I am about to crack. Then a question came to mind. How bad to do I want it all?

I want it bad.

But bad enough to endure the stresses, sacrifices and hard work?

I am finding that living a life alcohol free in many ways for an alcoholic is like a tightrope walk. Its doesn’t take much to knock one of us down. If we do not focus intently on our balance, i.e. sobriety, we inevitability fall. Some fall and get right back up, others fall right to their deaths and some fall and stay down waiting until death comes and gets them.

This photo of Jacob won an honorable mention at the County Fair this weekend.

All day I think about it, then at night I say it.
Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?
I have no idea.
My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.

This drunkenness began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I’ll be completely sober. Meanwhile,
I’m like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.
The day is coming when I fly off,
but who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?

Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.
If I could taste on sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn’t come here of my own accord, and I can’t leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.

This poetry. I never know what I’m going to say.
I don’t plan it.
When I’m outside the saying of it,
I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.

~

We have a huge barrel of wine, but no cups.
That’s fine with us. Every morning
we glow and in the evening we glow again.

They say there’s no future for us. They’re right.
Which is fine with us.
-Rumi

I did a little Bible reading this morning and while looking up some references in the Bible with the word “sober”, I came across these.

Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.
-1 Corinthians 15:34

This verse is so true with whom I have become over the last few years. Of course, I haven’t had much of a sober mind over the last 5 years. I had the knowledge of God, and yet during these last 5 years, I ignored Him, withdrew and abandoned my personal relationship with Him. Paul is so right; to have such a gift in salvation and grace, to ignore it is truly a shame.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
-Romans 12:3

Wow, that one cuts a little deep. In many ways I became a modern day Pharisee. I withdrew from a personal relationship with Christ, yet I held myself in high esteem because of all of the books I had read and continued to read about God. I felt my knowledge about God was sufficient for my salvation, as if I had arrived and there was no need for me to continue to grow spiritually. I truly had a spiritual arrogance about me, which was not very humble at all. Someone one once said to me that a lot of people read a lot of books, but few read “The Book”. I was one of those people. I was reading everything but my Bible.

Thanks to A.A. and my refreshed relationship with God, who has delivered from the bondage of my obsession with alcohol, I am now able to think of myself with sober judgment. As I as work the steps of my recovery, I will have to continually look at myself with sober judgment and take a personal inventory and then ask God to take away my many defects, which I am gladly handing over to him.

A.A. Quote of the week:

"Judge if you wish, but remember you have lost your right to condemn."

This morning on my way to work I saw a car I haven’t seen in a long time. It was a AMC Eagle Wagon. I have to say, by far this is my favorite car of the 1980s. Its so beastly looking and tough, but yet, elegant in a family-car kind of way, if that makes sense. I think the reason why I like my Chrysler Pacifica so much is because in many ways it resembles the Eagle Wagon. We never owned one, but as a kid I wished my parents had. Seeing the car this morning warmed some nostalgic feelings of being a kid during the 1980s.

A.A. Quote of the week:
"Grateful people are happy people, those who aint, aint!"