Spilt Wine

Russ gave a message not to long ago about the stories of lives and that God is alive and well amongst our lives and our stories. If you want to see what God is doing in the world, just take time to listen to other people’s stories. And when you encounter these stories, you should take your shoes off, for they are holy ground.

I was speaking with a friend the other day. During our conversation, I walked on to holy ground un-expectantly. It started with the question of “how was your weekend?” From there it progressed to her telling me a little bit about her life story.

She proceeded to tell me a little bit about the struggles of her sister and how it adds stress to her life. When I asked about her parents she told me they were both in prison.

“For what?”
“Murder.”
Long pause.
“Who?”
“They killed my 11 month old brother.”

It also turns out that her sisters struggles are due to the brain damage she received by being physically abused by her parents.

At that moment I could not take my shoes off fast enough.

I have thought long and hard about her story for the rest of the week. I personally have been battling depression a little more than usual, but after hearing what she told me, what do I have to feel sad about? What real struggles and lemons has life thrown at me compared to her up hill battle?

I saw the power of God that day. I saw a life that God has redeemed and claimed as his own child. I know that God has done that with all of us, but in this case, knowing some of circumstances, I cant help but to believe that God has taken special interest in her. He has provided her with the people needed to full-fill what her parents failed to do. He has also brought her along, where she is now able to help delinquent teens over come many of the same issues she has had. God has appointed her as a minister, though she would not see her self as one. She is a minister to the hearts of the girls she comes in contact with. And none of this because of her college degree or credentials, but its all about her being broken, She is able to lead, love, care, and share because she has been broken…. and God has restored.

A tsunami of self-pity has crashed down on me again.
Damn Damn Damn
My emotions have capsized
Damn Damn Damn
I am drowning in this salty sea of tears.
Damn Damn Damn
Undertow of guilt pulls me to the bottom
Damn Damn Damn
At the bottom, I sit lonely has the sunken ships of the forgotten.
Damn Damn Damn
You throw a life preserve, but I chose not accept help
Damn Damn Damn

Anxiety fills my lungs, and I am drowning in fear
Damn Damn Damn
Self-centered thoughts occupy my time.
Damn Damn Damn
Wishing to be someone different
Damn Damn Damn
I want what I don’t have
Damn Damn Damn


Damn…damn……damn

What the hell is wrong with me? I seem to be suffering from some sort of partial blindness. I can only see the good in the past but not in the present. I can only see the bad in the present, but none from the past and I know damn well, that is was the bad in the past that has lead me to the present and that is good, isn’t it? I just can’t seem to see it.

Try seeing with a cane or using brail you say? How silly of a question is that? How can I even do that when I don’t feel either?

So, I just lay and fall asleep hoping to wake up with a new head.

Here is the most recent letter from my friend David, who is serving in Iraq and some pics he has sent me.

So, it's been a bit since my last update. Things have definitely taken a new tone here. Our op-tempo has stepped up. We've almost doubled our # of weekly patrols. The good side of that is that we're apprehending more bad people and gaining more intelligence with every successful raid. The down side is casualties. I'm doing fine though and am staying strong and that is in no small part due to all the amazing support I have from my family and friends.
As for what I've actually been up to, it's just been a lot of driving for me. I've been driving point on most of raids and about half of our patrols. Durring the day, I get my rush by dodging and weaving through traffic. The only real difference between La and here is when traffic stops I go into oncoming traffic and I have a machine gun mounted on my roof. At night we usually roll out in black out. So half the time I'm using night vision goggles and the other half I'm pulling them up as we fly through a lit area. As for recreation, I'm still running like a mad man. I'll pass 200 miles since I've set foot in Iraq later this week. I catch a game of volleyball now and again. Got to sharpen my skills for when I make it back to Venice. Speaking of, I've been slated to take my 2 week r&r in sept. I promise good times will be had.

Iraqi Father and Son 

Iraqi Mother and Daughter 

Iraqi boy 

David's Hummer 

David in Iraq 

I paid $2.63 a gallon for gas this morning. Man, this bites.