Monday, August 30, 2004
I had a strange dream last night. Maybe some of you can offer some interpretations.
Last night I dreamt that I had met Willie at Duboce Park in San Francisco. It was late in the afternoon and the weather looked like it was going to rain. The park was completely empty and there was a slight breeze. There was something familiar about the park. Not that I have ever been there though. I just know the park because the muni goes pass it on the way to Jason’s house. Maybe it was the weather that was familiar. I have memories of playing at the park near my grandmother's house in Canada when the weather threaten to rain.
Anyhow, Willie finally showed up caring a bottle of Jim Beam. The last thing I remember was he and I were playing on the swing set and were still waiting for Jason to show up.
Last night I dreamt that I had met Willie at Duboce Park in San Francisco. It was late in the afternoon and the weather looked like it was going to rain. The park was completely empty and there was a slight breeze. There was something familiar about the park. Not that I have ever been there though. I just know the park because the muni goes pass it on the way to Jason’s house. Maybe it was the weather that was familiar. I have memories of playing at the park near my grandmother's house in Canada when the weather threaten to rain.
Anyhow, Willie finally showed up caring a bottle of Jim Beam. The last thing I remember was he and I were playing on the swing set and were still waiting for Jason to show up.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
We have talked about memory in the past and where maybe memory is stored within the human being, perhaps the brain or maybe within the soul. I have been thinking about memory lately. Not in the sense of where it is stored, but its power. Could it be possible that memory brings people to life?
For example, when I was hiking in the back country and I thought of Willie, who lives in San Francisco and is alive and well there, could it be that I brought him to life with me there in the Sierra Nevadas, thus making him alive in two different parts of the state. Does this make any sense?
It is a romantic thought if you think about it. The idea of being brought to life in other places/ spaces when you are thought of, which could be a lot if you have a lot of positive contact with people.
Now this brings me to another thought. What if your contacts in life our negative? I am getting ready to lead a course on damaged emotions. Is it every time that you think or remember a tragic event, or emotionally scaring event, that you in fact bring that event to life and re-live it?
So now, we have a conundrum. You want to put to rest the people and events that have hurt you, but bring those others who have brought you happiness to life. Is this even possible? If so, where do we begin? I guess we begin by making sure we are not hurtful people towards others.
What exactly did Christ mean when he said at the last super, “ Take this in remembrance of me.”? Is this the same idea? That we bring Christ to life by thinking of Him, praying to Him and attempting to act like Him? I am not completely sure about that one, because you have to figure the Holy Spirit into that equation.
Your thoughts........
For example, when I was hiking in the back country and I thought of Willie, who lives in San Francisco and is alive and well there, could it be that I brought him to life with me there in the Sierra Nevadas, thus making him alive in two different parts of the state. Does this make any sense?
It is a romantic thought if you think about it. The idea of being brought to life in other places/ spaces when you are thought of, which could be a lot if you have a lot of positive contact with people.
Now this brings me to another thought. What if your contacts in life our negative? I am getting ready to lead a course on damaged emotions. Is it every time that you think or remember a tragic event, or emotionally scaring event, that you in fact bring that event to life and re-live it?
So now, we have a conundrum. You want to put to rest the people and events that have hurt you, but bring those others who have brought you happiness to life. Is this even possible? If so, where do we begin? I guess we begin by making sure we are not hurtful people towards others.
What exactly did Christ mean when he said at the last super, “ Take this in remembrance of me.”? Is this the same idea? That we bring Christ to life by thinking of Him, praying to Him and attempting to act like Him? I am not completely sure about that one, because you have to figure the Holy Spirit into that equation.
Your thoughts........
Monday, August 23, 2004
My most recent adventure started on Thursday, August 12, in San Francisco.
Here are some of my thoughts over the last week.
Willie and I took Jason and Mitra out to the Biscuit and Blues for dinner, in
celebration of their upcoming weeding. After dinner we went and had another drink
at some ritzy hotel lounge. From there Willie walked home to his flat on Union
Street. Following Jason's lead and the idea of saving a few bucks on cab
fare, he lead Mitra and I right into the Tender Loin District. We found it easier
to walk on the street because of all of the homeless people passed out or
asleep on the sidewalk. Those who were awake were asking for money.
One black women chased us for four blocks. The click-clock of her high heels
kept with the rhythm of our fast paced strides.
"Excuse me- Excuse me-Excuse me -Excuse me." click-clock-click-clock
"Keep walking"
"Excuse me- Excuse me- Excuse me." click-clock-click-clock
"I know, don't make eye contact."
"Right."-
"Excuse me- Excuse me- Excuse me." click-clock-click-clock
Sorry Lady, unless you can break a 20, I don't have anything for you. Not
even a look into your eyes.
Here are some of my thoughts over the last week.
Willie and I took Jason and Mitra out to the Biscuit and Blues for dinner, in
celebration of their upcoming weeding. After dinner we went and had another drink
at some ritzy hotel lounge. From there Willie walked home to his flat on Union
Street. Following Jason's lead and the idea of saving a few bucks on cab
fare, he lead Mitra and I right into the Tender Loin District. We found it easier
to walk on the street because of all of the homeless people passed out or
asleep on the sidewalk. Those who were awake were asking for money.
One black women chased us for four blocks. The click-clock of her high heels
kept with the rhythm of our fast paced strides.
"Excuse me- Excuse me-Excuse me -Excuse me." click-clock-click-clock
"Keep walking"
"Excuse me- Excuse me- Excuse me." click-clock-click-clock
"I know, don't make eye contact."
"Right."-
"Excuse me- Excuse me- Excuse me." click-clock-click-clock
Sorry Lady, unless you can break a 20, I don't have anything for you. Not
even a look into your eyes.
Sunday, August 15
(11:30am) As we were driving to our drop off point, I was watching the clouds
from the passenger side window. Big, white fluffy clouds. I must
have lost my imagination. I was unable to make out any shapes or objects in
the clouds floating above. That is sad to me.
(12:45pm) Mt. Whitney was totally engulfed by the now darker, not so fluffy
thunderstorm clouds. Light rain began to fall, I didn’t mind because it gave off
a great smell of freshness. Pine trees, rain, wet cement, ah so good.
(2:30pm) On the trail and a thunderstorm has over taken us. Thunder so loud,
it shook my insides. Still a light rainfall, which makes the trail nice and
damp, rather then dry and dusty. As I am walking through this forest, I am
noticing all of the trees that have been struck by lighting. This concerns me
because, there is now lighting with the thunder, and I am carrying a metal frame
backpack and a metal hiking pole.
(11:30am) As we were driving to our drop off point, I was watching the clouds
from the passenger side window. Big, white fluffy clouds. I must
have lost my imagination. I was unable to make out any shapes or objects in
the clouds floating above. That is sad to me.
(12:45pm) Mt. Whitney was totally engulfed by the now darker, not so fluffy
thunderstorm clouds. Light rain began to fall, I didn’t mind because it gave off
a great smell of freshness. Pine trees, rain, wet cement, ah so good.
(2:30pm) On the trail and a thunderstorm has over taken us. Thunder so loud,
it shook my insides. Still a light rainfall, which makes the trail nice and
damp, rather then dry and dusty. As I am walking through this forest, I am
noticing all of the trees that have been struck by lighting. This concerns me
because, there is now lighting with the thunder, and I am carrying a metal frame
backpack and a metal hiking pole.
Monday, August 16
After arriving to our campsite for the evening, we made contact with a Park
Ranger. She told us to make sure we put our food away at night because there was
an aggressive bear in the area and that they suspected that it was the same bear
that mauled a man a few weeks ago.
- Wait, time out! What! (Side note) For those who don't know, I have a
passion for the out doors, however, I am plagued with bad bear experiences. Every year
I have some sort of run-in with a bear, either waking up to them at night
less then five feet from me, or them getting in to my back pack, trying to steal
anything they can get their grubby paws on. Now you are telling me that there is a
killer bear on the loose!
With that said, my night was spent in anxiety. I was enjoying a book by the
camp fire, then I realized that everyone had gone into their tents and I was
the only one still out. I suddenly had a fear that the bear was creeping up behind
me. I made a quick dash into my tent. As I laid awake in my tent, my heart
pounded with fear of the killer bear. Every sound outside my tent made my heart
jump.
- What was that?- popping of the fire
- What was that?- wind
- What was that?- someone moving in their tent.
- What was that?- snoring of one of our Japanese friends.
Why does everything sound like the killer bear?!!!
After finally falling asleep for what seemed for only ten minutes, Ken jumped
strait up turning on his flash light and began looking outside our tent. Just about having a heart attack at the age of 27, I asked what’s wrong?
"Bear"
We both listen in silence.
No, it's the snoring of one of the Japanese guys.
After arriving to our campsite for the evening, we made contact with a Park
Ranger. She told us to make sure we put our food away at night because there was
an aggressive bear in the area and that they suspected that it was the same bear
that mauled a man a few weeks ago.
- Wait, time out! What! (Side note) For those who don't know, I have a
passion for the out doors, however, I am plagued with bad bear experiences. Every year
I have some sort of run-in with a bear, either waking up to them at night
less then five feet from me, or them getting in to my back pack, trying to steal
anything they can get their grubby paws on. Now you are telling me that there is a
killer bear on the loose!
With that said, my night was spent in anxiety. I was enjoying a book by the
camp fire, then I realized that everyone had gone into their tents and I was
the only one still out. I suddenly had a fear that the bear was creeping up behind
me. I made a quick dash into my tent. As I laid awake in my tent, my heart
pounded with fear of the killer bear. Every sound outside my tent made my heart
jump.
- What was that?- popping of the fire
- What was that?- wind
- What was that?- someone moving in their tent.
- What was that?- snoring of one of our Japanese friends.
Why does everything sound like the killer bear?!!!
After finally falling asleep for what seemed for only ten minutes, Ken jumped
strait up turning on his flash light and began looking outside our tent. Just about having a heart attack at the age of 27, I asked what’s wrong?
"Bear"
We both listen in silence.
No, it's the snoring of one of the Japanese guys.
Tuesday, August 17
For the first time in a long while, I got to observe the night sky in its
full beauty, without the restrictions of city lights. I saw the Big Dipper, the
North Star, the Milky Way, Mars and millions of other starts. I could see what
I believe were constellations, but was unable to make any of them out. To steal
a line from the book, Life of Pi; "With so many bright stars in the sky, to
call the night dark is unfitting."
For the first time in a long while, I got to observe the night sky in its
full beauty, without the restrictions of city lights. I saw the Big Dipper, the
North Star, the Milky Way, Mars and millions of other starts. I could see what
I believe were constellations, but was unable to make any of them out. To steal
a line from the book, Life of Pi; "With so many bright stars in the sky, to
call the night dark is unfitting."
Wednesday, August 18
I have found tranquility.
A distant roar of the river, a cool mountain breeze kissing the back of my
neck, fresh smell of pine needles, cool, clean air, white fluffy clouds
suspended in the blue sky and an occasional chirp of a bird. Its is hard to explain
the peace that has fallen over me at this moment. I then had a thought that
disrupted this tranquility.
It was sad and sobering to me, to know that all over the world, people were experiencing distress and chaos, as I was here, surrounded in a peaceful forest, without a care or worry.
I have found tranquility.
A distant roar of the river, a cool mountain breeze kissing the back of my
neck, fresh smell of pine needles, cool, clean air, white fluffy clouds
suspended in the blue sky and an occasional chirp of a bird. Its is hard to explain
the peace that has fallen over me at this moment. I then had a thought that
disrupted this tranquility.
It was sad and sobering to me, to know that all over the world, people were experiencing distress and chaos, as I was here, surrounded in a peaceful forest, without a care or worry.
Thursday, August 19
Another thunderstorm has come over us. We took shelter in our tents. Funny,
as I was reading my book in the tent, the author was talking about rain.
Fitting with the tapping of rain drops on our tent. To quote John Muir; "if you don't like the weather in the Sierra Nevadas, just wait an hour." Sure enough, the
rain passed and we came out from under our tents and watched one of the greatest/ amazing sun sets I have ever seen.
Later on, while trying to sleep my heart began to ache. I missed my wife and
baby. My sleeping bag was now damp from the earlier storm and I longed for my
own bed, with Audrey laying to my left. The same side my heart is. I so badly
wanted to hold Gracie against my chest, as she rested her head on my shoulder.
Another thunderstorm has come over us. We took shelter in our tents. Funny,
as I was reading my book in the tent, the author was talking about rain.
Fitting with the tapping of rain drops on our tent. To quote John Muir; "if you don't like the weather in the Sierra Nevadas, just wait an hour." Sure enough, the
rain passed and we came out from under our tents and watched one of the greatest/ amazing sun sets I have ever seen.
Later on, while trying to sleep my heart began to ache. I missed my wife and
baby. My sleeping bag was now damp from the earlier storm and I longed for my
own bed, with Audrey laying to my left. The same side my heart is. I so badly
wanted to hold Gracie against my chest, as she rested her head on my shoulder.
Friday, August 20
The day started out clear. We summated Mt. Whitney at about 10am. Shig was
unable to summate. The climb was too much for him, so he waited patiently at
Trail Crest for us. We left the Mountain at about 11:30, fearing the clouds that
were forming above us. As we headed down the mountain, it began to snow. This
was a new experience for me, to be hiking while snow was falling. The clouds
continued to grow darker. We all stopped at Out Post Camp and decided we needed
to hike out a day earlier due to the change in weather. To hike out to the Mt.
Whitney Portal was still another 8 miles. In order to help Shig make it out, I
tied his backpack to the top of mine. After about thirty minutes if hiking, the
weather turned for the worse, we began to get pelted with hail. Soon rain
began to pour down with thunder and lighting crashing above our heads. The weight of two back packs on my back began to take its toll on me as the weight got
heavier with the absorption of water.
The day started out clear. We summated Mt. Whitney at about 10am. Shig was
unable to summate. The climb was too much for him, so he waited patiently at
Trail Crest for us. We left the Mountain at about 11:30, fearing the clouds that
were forming above us. As we headed down the mountain, it began to snow. This
was a new experience for me, to be hiking while snow was falling. The clouds
continued to grow darker. We all stopped at Out Post Camp and decided we needed
to hike out a day earlier due to the change in weather. To hike out to the Mt.
Whitney Portal was still another 8 miles. In order to help Shig make it out, I
tied his backpack to the top of mine. After about thirty minutes if hiking, the
weather turned for the worse, we began to get pelted with hail. Soon rain
began to pour down with thunder and lighting crashing above our heads. The weight of two back packs on my back began to take its toll on me as the weight got
heavier with the absorption of water.
Saturday, August 21
At the breakfast table, we all shared our thoughts and what we enjoyed about
the trip. Shig, the Japanese companion who could speak English translated Ti's
thoughts. He then told us why he had asked Ti to come along with him to the
United States for this back packing trip. With Ti sitting there completely
unaware of what was being said, Shig told us that Ti had lost his son this year and
has been very sad. He wanted to bring Ti to the United States to give him an
opportunity to be happy again and over the course of this week this has been the
happiest he has seen Ti since the death of his son.
(As I write this right
now, my eyes have swelled up with tears and I cant see the keyboard. I don’t know why this has touched me so deeply. Maybe it is because I am a father too now. Though I dont not know the pain of the death of a child, I do know the love of a child. I guess that is why I hurt for Ti.)
Over the course of the week, I have laughed a lot with Ti. None of us had any
idea of his recent lost. Though, I could not speak with him directly, we
communicated through smiles, high fives, pats on the backs, bows and face
expressions. To be apart of an experience that has brought joy into the heart of
someone who needed it is beyond description. I have cried for Ti several times
since my return. Tuesday he returns to Japan with his hundreds of photos he has
taken. I hope that this happy occasion, (what he and Shig have called this
trip) has brought some sort of healing for him.
At the breakfast table, we all shared our thoughts and what we enjoyed about
the trip. Shig, the Japanese companion who could speak English translated Ti's
thoughts. He then told us why he had asked Ti to come along with him to the
United States for this back packing trip. With Ti sitting there completely
unaware of what was being said, Shig told us that Ti had lost his son this year and
has been very sad. He wanted to bring Ti to the United States to give him an
opportunity to be happy again and over the course of this week this has been the
happiest he has seen Ti since the death of his son.
(As I write this right
now, my eyes have swelled up with tears and I cant see the keyboard. I don’t know why this has touched me so deeply. Maybe it is because I am a father too now. Though I dont not know the pain of the death of a child, I do know the love of a child. I guess that is why I hurt for Ti.)
Over the course of the week, I have laughed a lot with Ti. None of us had any
idea of his recent lost. Though, I could not speak with him directly, we
communicated through smiles, high fives, pats on the backs, bows and face
expressions. To be apart of an experience that has brought joy into the heart of
someone who needed it is beyond description. I have cried for Ti several times
since my return. Tuesday he returns to Japan with his hundreds of photos he has
taken. I hope that this happy occasion, (what he and Shig have called this
trip) has brought some sort of healing for him.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I apologize for my lack of posts of late.
I leave for San Francisco tomorrow, and return on Friday, then on Sunday morning, I leave for my back packing trip over Mt. Whitney. I will have some posts and pics when I return in a week.
I leave for San Francisco tomorrow, and return on Friday, then on Sunday morning, I leave for my back packing trip over Mt. Whitney. I will have some posts and pics when I return in a week.
