Sunday, November 30, 2003
Rock and Roll Sunday
Today if you attended our church, you would have been "Smacked" upside the head with good old fashion rock and roll.
Andy who is our worship pastor, stood this Sunday different then most other Sundays. He stood with a red electric guitar at his waist. He stood with purpose. The purpose to rock!
A mad man by the name of Garret played the drums. The guy was incredible. The dude was all over the kit and he added a couple of knotches to the normal intensity of Sunday morning worship.
Ron who is a rocker through and through also played electric guitar.
I myself had the pleasure and honor to play this Sunday morning acoustic rhythm.
Andy started off the set slow, finger picking the first course of Let the River Flow and then Smack! It was on. The band exploded with energy. I don't think first service was ready for the tidal wave of sound that hit them this morning.
Second service was much more wake and in tune to the music. The coolest part about this morning was we played U2's Desire as a special song. That rocked!
We also played a slow version of Amazing Grace. It almost sounded like House of the Rising Sun. At the end of the song, we were suppose to pause and then Garrett would count four times with his drum sticks and lead us back into an upbeat, fast pace rendition of the the first 2 verses again. In second service he forgot to lead us back in, so Andy just sang and played even slower by himself. When Garrett realized his mistake, he told us we were going to come in on his count. Right when Andy was about to end the song, Garrett banged his drum sticks together four times and we were off and running.
Audrey said she could tell that we had messed up on Amazing Grace. I asked her how she knew. She said "I could tell by the look on your face, and how you were looking at everybody." She said if I just played it cool, she would of never of noticed. Hopefully she was the only one who noticed my short panicked state.
Another funny part of this morning was during Russ' sermon. Russ was talking about his 94 Arostar van. He said "it's a piece of..." He said Piece of junk 1st services but left it hanging second services. Crap came to my mind when he left it hanging. Later Russ said he heard some snickers and wondered what word they had put on the other end of Piece.
Today if you attended our church, you would have been "Smacked" upside the head with good old fashion rock and roll.
Andy who is our worship pastor, stood this Sunday different then most other Sundays. He stood with a red electric guitar at his waist. He stood with purpose. The purpose to rock!
A mad man by the name of Garret played the drums. The guy was incredible. The dude was all over the kit and he added a couple of knotches to the normal intensity of Sunday morning worship.
Ron who is a rocker through and through also played electric guitar.
I myself had the pleasure and honor to play this Sunday morning acoustic rhythm.
Andy started off the set slow, finger picking the first course of Let the River Flow and then Smack! It was on. The band exploded with energy. I don't think first service was ready for the tidal wave of sound that hit them this morning.
Second service was much more wake and in tune to the music. The coolest part about this morning was we played U2's Desire as a special song. That rocked!
We also played a slow version of Amazing Grace. It almost sounded like House of the Rising Sun. At the end of the song, we were suppose to pause and then Garrett would count four times with his drum sticks and lead us back into an upbeat, fast pace rendition of the the first 2 verses again. In second service he forgot to lead us back in, so Andy just sang and played even slower by himself. When Garrett realized his mistake, he told us we were going to come in on his count. Right when Andy was about to end the song, Garrett banged his drum sticks together four times and we were off and running.
Audrey said she could tell that we had messed up on Amazing Grace. I asked her how she knew. She said "I could tell by the look on your face, and how you were looking at everybody." She said if I just played it cool, she would of never of noticed. Hopefully she was the only one who noticed my short panicked state.
Another funny part of this morning was during Russ' sermon. Russ was talking about his 94 Arostar van. He said "it's a piece of..." He said Piece of junk 1st services but left it hanging second services. Crap came to my mind when he left it hanging. Later Russ said he heard some snickers and wondered what word they had put on the other end of Piece.
Friday, November 28, 2003
Thanksgiving
I wake up today still full from yesterdays thanksgiving meals. Yes meals as in two, one at my parents house and another at my in-laws.
Thanksgiving was fun at my in-laws. Audrey made a duck and salad and of course there was all of the fixings, mash-potatoes, gravy, turkey, yams, ham, and all kinds of pies.
After the meal, I went out to the back and saddled up a horse. I have not rode a horse in a long time. It was fun but I have one beef. Audrey's sister Jennifer would not let me get on the horse unless I put on this stupid horse ridding helmet. After arguing for about 5 minutes over the stupid helmet, I gave in.
I rode the horse a round and after a while I gave it up so some of the kids could ride him.
When the kids got on (I am talking about 10 year olds) no one made them wear the stupid helmet. What the hell! I asked Audrey why I was the only one who had to wear the helmet, she replied" because you are the only one who would of fall off".
Why does nobody have faith in me? No one ever thinks I can pull it off. It's like a surprise to people when I don't fall on my ass. What gives?
Dinner at my parents was surprisingly pleasant. All of my siblings were there, and my sister's boyfriend and my brother Chris' girlfriend also joined us for dinner.
My father asked me to say grace. I don't know what the heck that was all about, but that has never happen before. Never in my life did we pray as a family at the dinner table. It was cool and weird at the same time.
I wake up today still full from yesterdays thanksgiving meals. Yes meals as in two, one at my parents house and another at my in-laws.
Thanksgiving was fun at my in-laws. Audrey made a duck and salad and of course there was all of the fixings, mash-potatoes, gravy, turkey, yams, ham, and all kinds of pies.
After the meal, I went out to the back and saddled up a horse. I have not rode a horse in a long time. It was fun but I have one beef. Audrey's sister Jennifer would not let me get on the horse unless I put on this stupid horse ridding helmet. After arguing for about 5 minutes over the stupid helmet, I gave in.
I rode the horse a round and after a while I gave it up so some of the kids could ride him.
When the kids got on (I am talking about 10 year olds) no one made them wear the stupid helmet. What the hell! I asked Audrey why I was the only one who had to wear the helmet, she replied" because you are the only one who would of fall off".
Why does nobody have faith in me? No one ever thinks I can pull it off. It's like a surprise to people when I don't fall on my ass. What gives?
Dinner at my parents was surprisingly pleasant. All of my siblings were there, and my sister's boyfriend and my brother Chris' girlfriend also joined us for dinner.
My father asked me to say grace. I don't know what the heck that was all about, but that has never happen before. Never in my life did we pray as a family at the dinner table. It was cool and weird at the same time.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Random Thoughts
The heart hurts so bad, it's hard to breath
The flesh is so tempted it causes the stomach to turn and hands to sweat
Hating one self so much, you could crawl out your own skin
It all makes you feel so alive, to the point that you wish you were dead
Like a sensory over load. The burden of feeling to much life.
Jason once told me "The grass is always greener on the other side when you are not watering your own"
I better get watering, heck I am going to need fertilizer and new lawn seed too!
What if your lawn is only really weeds?
The heart hurts so bad, it's hard to breath
The flesh is so tempted it causes the stomach to turn and hands to sweat
Hating one self so much, you could crawl out your own skin
It all makes you feel so alive, to the point that you wish you were dead
Like a sensory over load. The burden of feeling to much life.
Jason once told me "The grass is always greener on the other side when you are not watering your own"
I better get watering, heck I am going to need fertilizer and new lawn seed too!
What if your lawn is only really weeds?
Monday, November 24, 2003
Feeling Powerless and Unheard
I have been struggling with a thought that God does not hear my prayers.
I feel that I have not earned a right to Gods ear.
I find myself praying "God please look past my faults and hear this prayer, because it is for someone else."
"God don't ignore this prayer because it is coming from me, for it is meant for someone else".
I can handle God not answering my own prayers because of lack of my faith or obedience, but I don't want God to ignore my prayers when they are for others.
It's funny that I think this way, because there is not merit to this type of thinking, but nonetheless I still feel my prayers are powerless and unheard.
My prayer now is " God let me know that you hear me".
I have been struggling with a thought that God does not hear my prayers.
I feel that I have not earned a right to Gods ear.
I find myself praying "God please look past my faults and hear this prayer, because it is for someone else."
"God don't ignore this prayer because it is coming from me, for it is meant for someone else".
I can handle God not answering my own prayers because of lack of my faith or obedience, but I don't want God to ignore my prayers when they are for others.
It's funny that I think this way, because there is not merit to this type of thinking, but nonetheless I still feel my prayers are powerless and unheard.
My prayer now is " God let me know that you hear me".
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Compelled to Follow
He wakes one morning early in the summer of 1998. Sun light breaking into his room through the tightly closed binds. He gathers his head together and looks at the clock, 9:30 am.
He tries to put his thoughts together recalling the nights events, trying to figure out how he ended up in his own bed. A night of drinking with friends that led them to a party.
The party from last night was one that they were not really invited to. A party that played Mexican music and most of the conversations were in Spanish. A party were someone got angry and pulled out a gun. After everyone was rushed inside where it was safe, he and his friends left when the coast was clear. What happen after that was a blur.
He gets up and walks to the living room of his apartment and finds that someone had slept on the couch."Hmm, my friend must of left already, not awaking me."
He finds his pants on the ground wet. That's odd, he thinks to himself.
He then finds his way to the kitchen where there is a mess of spilt water.
He now plays detective. "I must of spilt water on myself , therefore taking off my pants here."
He gets some more water to re-hydrate himself and sits on the couch.
Is this my life he wonders? Getting up, going to work, and paying bills? A life of drinking to suppresses his desire for adventures, hurts and questions? Is this Life? Is this what it means to be human? He sighs with disappointment, because that has become his purpose. He is just pawn in the system.
Then a thought hits him. I have a gun. A new gun. "Maybe I don't want to be a part of this system. Maybe I could find happiness if I refuse to play a part of the system. what's on the other side he thought. Then he is frozen with fear. Could he actually do it? What would people think of him then?
He makes his coffee and takes his shower, gets dressed and heads out to the door to go to the gym.
As he is driving he begins to think. "why am I so unhappy? I have more then most, and the more I get, I still feel the same."
Should I do it?
Then he sees a sign. It says 10:30 service. He looks at his car clock, its 10:40.
he tells himself, it already started, plus why do I want to go there?
But he is compelled to turn into the parking lot of the church. He parks and thinks. This is stupid, what hell am I here for?
I wonder what people that are my age, who go here are like?
What the hell, fine, lets just check it out he says to himself.
He gets out of his car and walks through the doors and is greeted by people in suits. He is in shorts and a t-shirt. Crap, I am not even dressed right.
As he is being led in to the service, he wants to turn around, but he has someone walking him to an open seat.
He wonders to himself, How do I get out of this now.
He is seated in the second row, with people who are much older and dressed must nicer then him.
After the service, he tries to B-line out the door, but someone recognizes him. He partakes in small talk not wanting to be rude. He is invited to a service that is of people his own age. " Maybe I will go" he replies.
After leaving he thinks Where do I go from here?
To this day he still struggles with that same question. Where do I go from here?
I don't know, but I am compelled to follow
He wakes one morning early in the summer of 1998. Sun light breaking into his room through the tightly closed binds. He gathers his head together and looks at the clock, 9:30 am.
He tries to put his thoughts together recalling the nights events, trying to figure out how he ended up in his own bed. A night of drinking with friends that led them to a party.
The party from last night was one that they were not really invited to. A party that played Mexican music and most of the conversations were in Spanish. A party were someone got angry and pulled out a gun. After everyone was rushed inside where it was safe, he and his friends left when the coast was clear. What happen after that was a blur.
He gets up and walks to the living room of his apartment and finds that someone had slept on the couch."Hmm, my friend must of left already, not awaking me."
He finds his pants on the ground wet. That's odd, he thinks to himself.
He then finds his way to the kitchen where there is a mess of spilt water.
He now plays detective. "I must of spilt water on myself , therefore taking off my pants here."
He gets some more water to re-hydrate himself and sits on the couch.
Is this my life he wonders? Getting up, going to work, and paying bills? A life of drinking to suppresses his desire for adventures, hurts and questions? Is this Life? Is this what it means to be human? He sighs with disappointment, because that has become his purpose. He is just pawn in the system.
Then a thought hits him. I have a gun. A new gun. "Maybe I don't want to be a part of this system. Maybe I could find happiness if I refuse to play a part of the system. what's on the other side he thought. Then he is frozen with fear. Could he actually do it? What would people think of him then?
He makes his coffee and takes his shower, gets dressed and heads out to the door to go to the gym.
As he is driving he begins to think. "why am I so unhappy? I have more then most, and the more I get, I still feel the same."
Should I do it?
Then he sees a sign. It says 10:30 service. He looks at his car clock, its 10:40.
he tells himself, it already started, plus why do I want to go there?
But he is compelled to turn into the parking lot of the church. He parks and thinks. This is stupid, what hell am I here for?
I wonder what people that are my age, who go here are like?
What the hell, fine, lets just check it out he says to himself.
He gets out of his car and walks through the doors and is greeted by people in suits. He is in shorts and a t-shirt. Crap, I am not even dressed right.
As he is being led in to the service, he wants to turn around, but he has someone walking him to an open seat.
He wonders to himself, How do I get out of this now.
He is seated in the second row, with people who are much older and dressed must nicer then him.
After the service, he tries to B-line out the door, but someone recognizes him. He partakes in small talk not wanting to be rude. He is invited to a service that is of people his own age. " Maybe I will go" he replies.
After leaving he thinks Where do I go from here?
To this day he still struggles with that same question. Where do I go from here?
I don't know, but I am compelled to follow
Thursday, November 20, 2003
It's now later in the afternoon and I am taking a break from work
I am still bothered by these blog entries.
I see a common theme in my entries, they all cry out WHO THE HELL AM I!!!!!
Am I passionate and pure hearted or am I am wuss?
Am I strong or am I weak?
Am I brave and courageous or am I a coward?
Am I intelligent or am I ignorate?
Am I a man or am I a child?
Am I real or am I fake?
Am I heard or am I ignored?
Am I generous or am I selfish?
Do I do things to appease God or do I do things to appease man?
Do I love myself more then others?
DAMN IT! I AM ALL OF IT!
Good grief :/
I am still bothered by these blog entries.
I see a common theme in my entries, they all cry out WHO THE HELL AM I!!!!!
Am I passionate and pure hearted or am I am wuss?
Am I strong or am I weak?
Am I brave and courageous or am I a coward?
Am I intelligent or am I ignorate?
Am I a man or am I a child?
Am I real or am I fake?
Am I heard or am I ignored?
Am I generous or am I selfish?
Do I do things to appease God or do I do things to appease man?
Do I love myself more then others?
DAMN IT! I AM ALL OF IT!
Good grief :/
I find myself very angry today.
You can begin to see a little bit of the real me through these blogs, and I don't like him.
I am at the point of deleting all of these stupid entries. I don't know why all the sudden I am ashamed of these little pieces of me. I guess it is because they are glimpses of the real me, the me I don't like a whole a lot of the time. Maybe I am beginning to feel exposed.
The only reason I have not deleted them, and why I am typing today is because it is the right thing to do. I have this habit of drawing near then far. I have done it all my life. I still do it. I do it to my wife the most. I need to break it and stick it out.
I trust those who have access to this site. So, I don't know why I want to run.
You can begin to see a little bit of the real me through these blogs, and I don't like him.
I am at the point of deleting all of these stupid entries. I don't know why all the sudden I am ashamed of these little pieces of me. I guess it is because they are glimpses of the real me, the me I don't like a whole a lot of the time. Maybe I am beginning to feel exposed.
The only reason I have not deleted them, and why I am typing today is because it is the right thing to do. I have this habit of drawing near then far. I have done it all my life. I still do it. I do it to my wife the most. I need to break it and stick it out.
I trust those who have access to this site. So, I don't know why I want to run.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Thank God for Friends
What a day. It was a roller coaster of emotions. It could of been a day of self pitty, depression, and angst, but thanks to friends, I go to sleep tonight with a smile on my face.
I am thankful for my friend Joey, who is a Probation Officer I work with. He has been a mentor to me. Today he gave me lots of encouragement and bought me lunch.
I am thankful for my friend Russ who is a spiritual mentor to me. He let me share some thoughts and feelings today.
I am thankful for my wife and I friends Tamie and Monty who made us laugh tonight.
I hope I can be as good as a friend to all of them as they are to me.
Community is good.
What a day. It was a roller coaster of emotions. It could of been a day of self pitty, depression, and angst, but thanks to friends, I go to sleep tonight with a smile on my face.
I am thankful for my friend Joey, who is a Probation Officer I work with. He has been a mentor to me. Today he gave me lots of encouragement and bought me lunch.
I am thankful for my friend Russ who is a spiritual mentor to me. He let me share some thoughts and feelings today.
I am thankful for my wife and I friends Tamie and Monty who made us laugh tonight.
I hope I can be as good as a friend to all of them as they are to me.
Community is good.
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Imagination
Here we go- I have nothing to show
I get so lonely- I am tired of being a phony
I like my coffee black- She is so great, so laid back
Most of my conversations take place within my head
Lets move ahead- Ahead to the next step
STOP-WAIT-WHERE DO I GO?
I still have nothing to show
Come with me into my world- Where I am always a hero
Today is my day- Where is my parade
I have won - I am now someone
Where is my reward- I want something more
Take my picture- Put it in a frame
To bad this is all in my head- All in my head
Back to reality- This is something to look at rationally
It is so clear- I have little room for fear
Watch me as I draw near- don't be scared
My intentions are pure
I don't mean to hurt anyone
I will just spend the rest of the day in my world
Your welcome to come along to my world
Where I am always a hero
Today is my day- Where is my parade
I have won - I am now someone
Where is my reward- I want something more
Take my picture- Put it in a frame
To bad this is all in my head- All in my head
Here we go- I have nothing to show
I get so lonely- I am tired of being a phony
I like my coffee black- She is so great, so laid back
Most of my conversations take place within my head
Lets move ahead- Ahead to the next step
STOP-WAIT-WHERE DO I GO?
I still have nothing to show
Come with me into my world- Where I am always a hero
Today is my day- Where is my parade
I have won - I am now someone
Where is my reward- I want something more
Take my picture- Put it in a frame
To bad this is all in my head- All in my head
Back to reality- This is something to look at rationally
It is so clear- I have little room for fear
Watch me as I draw near- don't be scared
My intentions are pure
I don't mean to hurt anyone
I will just spend the rest of the day in my world
Your welcome to come along to my world
Where I am always a hero
Today is my day- Where is my parade
I have won - I am now someone
Where is my reward- I want something more
Take my picture- Put it in a frame
To bad this is all in my head- All in my head
Friday, November 14, 2003
I need to stop looking back
Is it just me or does it seem that we don't appreciate the times in our life until they pass?
When I was in my early 20's I missed High School but when I was in High School, I could not wait to graduate. I did not enjoy the time for what it was worth at that moment. It was not until later that I looked back and missed the enjoyment that I took all for to much granted.
I am always looking back. "Those were the days".
My wife even does it, she will say something like, " Remember when were dating? Those were good old days."
It is almost as if I am walking through life backwards. Instead of looking forward to exciting new adventures, I look backwards reflecting on different times, all of the which I took for granted at their moments.
Why can I get it at the moment I live it?
Is it just me or does it seem that we don't appreciate the times in our life until they pass?
When I was in my early 20's I missed High School but when I was in High School, I could not wait to graduate. I did not enjoy the time for what it was worth at that moment. It was not until later that I looked back and missed the enjoyment that I took all for to much granted.
I am always looking back. "Those were the days".
My wife even does it, she will say something like, " Remember when were dating? Those were good old days."
It is almost as if I am walking through life backwards. Instead of looking forward to exciting new adventures, I look backwards reflecting on different times, all of the which I took for granted at their moments.
Why can I get it at the moment I live it?
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Advise on life from my 6 year old cousin Micayla
Last summer I was at my in-laws house for a barbecue. The kids were swimming and Micayla asked me if I wanted to go swimming. I told her no and her response was " Come on Mike, have some spirit."
That stuck. Where is my spirit sometimes? Often times I let life pass me because I don't want to get wet? What's wrong with getting wet every once and a while?
My friend Willie is in a situation that is quite peculiar. He has been offered a Job in Florida and spent the last weekend there checking it out. He even worked it out where his co-worker Dave in San Francisco can come too.
So Willie, here you are, no girl friend, no real ties in San Francisco and you have an opportunity to start a new adventure. My advise is to have spirit. Live life and get wet!
I don't want you to go, but that's selfishness on my behalf.
Last summer I was at my in-laws house for a barbecue. The kids were swimming and Micayla asked me if I wanted to go swimming. I told her no and her response was " Come on Mike, have some spirit."
That stuck. Where is my spirit sometimes? Often times I let life pass me because I don't want to get wet? What's wrong with getting wet every once and a while?
My friend Willie is in a situation that is quite peculiar. He has been offered a Job in Florida and spent the last weekend there checking it out. He even worked it out where his co-worker Dave in San Francisco can come too.
So Willie, here you are, no girl friend, no real ties in San Francisco and you have an opportunity to start a new adventure. My advise is to have spirit. Live life and get wet!
I don't want you to go, but that's selfishness on my behalf.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Quotes from yesterday that stuck with me
"Goodness runs shallow, evilness runs deep" -Larry crabb - from his book Connecting
"This town is dying to give birth to enervation" - Dan Mcswain - discussing Visalia
" God takes the small and ordinary and makes it big" - Russ Howard - sermon on Kingdom of God
And the one that stuck the most was when my wife told a little girl who turned out to be a foster child to have her parents help her with her memory verses and her response was....
" My mom and dad are in jail"
Now that I have all of these in my head what do I do with them?
"Goodness runs shallow, evilness runs deep" -Larry crabb - from his book Connecting
"This town is dying to give birth to enervation" - Dan Mcswain - discussing Visalia
" God takes the small and ordinary and makes it big" - Russ Howard - sermon on Kingdom of God
And the one that stuck the most was when my wife told a little girl who turned out to be a foster child to have her parents help her with her memory verses and her response was....
" My mom and dad are in jail"
Now that I have all of these in my head what do I do with them?
I guess I am getting old.
I came to this conclusion through the relabeling of the music I listen to.
For example, my friend Mark, who is in his 40's listens to classic rock. I don't think it was called Classic Rock back when Mark was a teenager, or in his early 20's. But somewhere down the line someone gave it the name of Classic Rock. I guess it is classic just like the 65 mustang, 66 chevelle, or 68 camero. No matter what you call it, those cars are old just like the music.
My father, who is in his 60's listens to golden oldies. Real old music, but that's what he listened to in his youth. Again, I don't think that music was called oldies 40 years ago. It was called rock and roll but again someone renamed it from rock and roll to oldies but goodies.
Now that someone has renamed my music of choice. Music of my youth. Music that accompanies all my great memories.
I have always listen to what is called Alternative Music. I learned today that there is two categories of Alternative Music now.
There is Alternative Music and Adult Alternative music
The music I listen to has now been relabeled and is also played as flash back music during lunch. What gives?
Does this really make me an adult now that I listen to Adult Alternative Music?
I came to this conclusion through the relabeling of the music I listen to.
For example, my friend Mark, who is in his 40's listens to classic rock. I don't think it was called Classic Rock back when Mark was a teenager, or in his early 20's. But somewhere down the line someone gave it the name of Classic Rock. I guess it is classic just like the 65 mustang, 66 chevelle, or 68 camero. No matter what you call it, those cars are old just like the music.
My father, who is in his 60's listens to golden oldies. Real old music, but that's what he listened to in his youth. Again, I don't think that music was called oldies 40 years ago. It was called rock and roll but again someone renamed it from rock and roll to oldies but goodies.
Now that someone has renamed my music of choice. Music of my youth. Music that accompanies all my great memories.
I have always listen to what is called Alternative Music. I learned today that there is two categories of Alternative Music now.
There is Alternative Music and Adult Alternative music
The music I listen to has now been relabeled and is also played as flash back music during lunch. What gives?
Does this really make me an adult now that I listen to Adult Alternative Music?
Monday, November 10, 2003
Lost Radioactive Material Raises Dirty Bomb Fears
"Federal investigators have documented 1,300 cases of lost or stolen radioactive matter in the U.S. over the past five years and say there is a significant risk terrorists could get enough for a dirty bomb.- AP"
Great, just great! More to be afraid of. I bet when I go to buy some duct tape at the store it will be all sold out too!
"Federal investigators have documented 1,300 cases of lost or stolen radioactive matter in the U.S. over the past five years and say there is a significant risk terrorists could get enough for a dirty bomb.- AP"
Great, just great! More to be afraid of. I bet when I go to buy some duct tape at the store it will be all sold out too!
BECOMING WHO WE WERE MEANT TO BE
I saw the movie trailer for the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King last night. It showed a brief seen, where Aragorn is given the sword of the King and he is told "You have become the man you were meant to be".
I have been following all of your blog posts and it appears we are all searching for the same thing. We all want to find and become the men we were meant to be. I am glad to be on this journey with you all.
something that can reafiirm or realign your conception of who you are and who you want to be.- Jason
I see myself, chain around my neck, chain connected to a huge metal post with words inscribed upon it. The post is plated firmly in the center of my chest. The engraving says DEFINED.- Willie
i haven't arrived. i don't always know where i'm going. at times, that is infuriating to me and those around me. it feels selfish and confusing. and yet, i cannot honestly plant my feet yet and say with any integrity of soul, "i'm there." - Tim
Been wrestling through a revolution of my being. A cataclysm of the soul. Seems these past couple of years, I have taken stock of my beliefs about church, God, and myself and found them wanting. Less than wanting.- Russ
I wonder if we will ever truely know when we have become the men we want to be and were meant to be? I often wonder who am I ment to be, who does God will me to be, and what purpose do I have? If you guys find out anything let me know, because I am lost here.
I saw the movie trailer for the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King last night. It showed a brief seen, where Aragorn is given the sword of the King and he is told "You have become the man you were meant to be".
I have been following all of your blog posts and it appears we are all searching for the same thing. We all want to find and become the men we were meant to be. I am glad to be on this journey with you all.
something that can reafiirm or realign your conception of who you are and who you want to be.- Jason
I see myself, chain around my neck, chain connected to a huge metal post with words inscribed upon it. The post is plated firmly in the center of my chest. The engraving says DEFINED.- Willie
i haven't arrived. i don't always know where i'm going. at times, that is infuriating to me and those around me. it feels selfish and confusing. and yet, i cannot honestly plant my feet yet and say with any integrity of soul, "i'm there." - Tim
Been wrestling through a revolution of my being. A cataclysm of the soul. Seems these past couple of years, I have taken stock of my beliefs about church, God, and myself and found them wanting. Less than wanting.- Russ
I wonder if we will ever truely know when we have become the men we want to be and were meant to be? I often wonder who am I ment to be, who does God will me to be, and what purpose do I have? If you guys find out anything let me know, because I am lost here.
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Matrix Reloaded
I watched the Matrix reloaded tonight to prepare myself for the Matrix Revolution, which I am going to see tomorrow.
Anyhow, the Key Master said something that caught my attention.
He said. "I know because I must know, it is my purpose."
Dang. What do I know? I know JACK SQUAT!
What does that have to say to my purpose?
I watched the Matrix reloaded tonight to prepare myself for the Matrix Revolution, which I am going to see tomorrow.
Anyhow, the Key Master said something that caught my attention.
He said. "I know because I must know, it is my purpose."
Dang. What do I know? I know JACK SQUAT!
What does that have to say to my purpose?
Our Super Friends community
It is funny to me how quick this blogging community has grown. I was hoping it would grown into a community of independent thinkers, but now that it is happening I don't know what to think of it. I just find it funny, in a cool way, if that makes sense. Its awesome.
What started with Tim spread to Russ then I was invited in. After that, Jason and Willie were introduced. From Visalia to San Francisco this community has grown. If Willie, or Jason ran into to Tim or Russ they would not recognize each other by face, yet they know a little bit about each other. They know more about each other through these blogs then most people really ever get to know about anybody.
Now with the invite of Willie's friend Dave, who I met a month ago in San Francisco and Jason's friends in Fresno, the community has grown again. From Visalia to San Francisco, to Fresno. This is just the community I am apart of. I also know, for Tim and Russ, this community, or at least their blog pages go back to the Midwest. People in Cincinnati are writing their own blog pages and checking in with Tim's and Russ'. So really this spreads further then just the state of California and there are several communities involved here.
But what I find funny is that with the openness of community, the sharing of scarced information that maybe we don't want the people we see everyday to know, it is done now with strangers involved. I am interested in seeing, who affects who in this community. I also want to know where this safe feeling I have when I share on this blog comes from and why I am not this way with everyone in person. Maybe it is because those who I know personally, I know already that you accept me. And for those I don't know, well, I guess I am safe from your rejection here from behind my computer screen.
Anyhow, for those I know, thanks for accepting me, and for those I have not met, or only met once, welcome aboard. Welcome to Super Friends. By the way I already have dibs on being Green Lantern.
It is funny to me how quick this blogging community has grown. I was hoping it would grown into a community of independent thinkers, but now that it is happening I don't know what to think of it. I just find it funny, in a cool way, if that makes sense. Its awesome.
What started with Tim spread to Russ then I was invited in. After that, Jason and Willie were introduced. From Visalia to San Francisco this community has grown. If Willie, or Jason ran into to Tim or Russ they would not recognize each other by face, yet they know a little bit about each other. They know more about each other through these blogs then most people really ever get to know about anybody.
Now with the invite of Willie's friend Dave, who I met a month ago in San Francisco and Jason's friends in Fresno, the community has grown again. From Visalia to San Francisco, to Fresno. This is just the community I am apart of. I also know, for Tim and Russ, this community, or at least their blog pages go back to the Midwest. People in Cincinnati are writing their own blog pages and checking in with Tim's and Russ'. So really this spreads further then just the state of California and there are several communities involved here.
But what I find funny is that with the openness of community, the sharing of scarced information that maybe we don't want the people we see everyday to know, it is done now with strangers involved. I am interested in seeing, who affects who in this community. I also want to know where this safe feeling I have when I share on this blog comes from and why I am not this way with everyone in person. Maybe it is because those who I know personally, I know already that you accept me. And for those I don't know, well, I guess I am safe from your rejection here from behind my computer screen.
Anyhow, for those I know, thanks for accepting me, and for those I have not met, or only met once, welcome aboard. Welcome to Super Friends. By the way I already have dibs on being Green Lantern.
Self Celebration
As I continue to read through Jason's thesis, I am finding that celebration of self is a good thing. I have always known being alone at times feels good. In past entries I have mentioned that when I place more value on myself over others (community) I often feel guilty or selfish. Especially when someone calls me on my lack of participation in community, ie Scott. It feels good to celebrate self, but at the same time you kinda feel guilty or wonder if it is wrong of you for putting yourself over others, but it appears that this is an important function of ones own well being.
I want to take a moment to define what I feel self celebration is. Placing more value on yourself over the community does not mean using the community of others for your own personal agenda advancements. That I would find extremely selfish and it does nothing good for society. What self celebration means to me is a time to connect by yourself with your soul, heart, mind, and God. The connection with the community found within ourselves. Which I am gathering is what Whitman is sharing.
Being allowed to disconnect from the outer community, though Whitman applies that you can never really do that, but nonetheless, disconnected for a short time to find self realization, reflection, and regaining of strength has to be balanced with your participation in community. Balanced with the time you place outside community above yourself.
There is something to be admired with the self or personal sacrifice of one for the overall well being of the community. Something about being a super hero for a moment. The only problem is no one knows you are a hero or sees you as a hero. No one recognizes your uniform and cape. You feel beat up and drained, so you go and heal in that personal quiet place. You place value on yourself over community and celebrate your self.
I found that Jesus did this too, though he never disconnected from the community or relationship with the Father. Jesus would disconnect from the human community and go out on a boat, or into the wilderness, or find a garden for prayer, and climb to the tops of mountains, all for what Whitman called self celebration. A time to spend connecting with his soul and God, and it is good.
One last thought. If we are going to celebrate ourselves when we are alone, shouldn't we also celebrate when we are in community with each other?
How often do I feel obligated to participate in communities such as union meetings, birthday lunches, or church rather then looking forward to an oppurtunity to celebrate life with others? How often do I not answer the phone when I am really home, or feel obligated to hang out with someone in order not to hurt their feelings. I will tell you. A lot! And were is the celebration within that?
I told Ruben and Willie, that I sometimes miss the days where we all had tumbled together for a short time. I miss the community we once had, of Jason, Willie, Joey, Zane, Ruben, Matt, Jay, Leo, Codie, Kerra, Chandra, and the list goes on. I have realized though I may never see some of those people again, or have community with them, but what I have is great memories.
What has been sad is that when a few of us get together we try to relive those times, or try to recreate that sense of community we once had. But we always go back home empty handed thinking, man I wish it was like it use to be.
We have been getting it all wrong.
Those days are gone, and what made them special was our celebration. Our celebration of daily breakfast at Lyons, our weekend camp outs and barbecues. Our celebration of a beautiful afternoon, by cutting class and going to the mountains. I never ever felt obligated to go to Lyons, I never felt obligated to invite my friends camping, I wanted them there, I wanted to be there, but now the celebration has left me. Community connection often feels like a task rather then a celebration. When the boys all arrive in town I feel obligated to go out for one night so I don't offend anyone. What happen to the desire to celebrate our friendships.
If I can get the mind set of community participation needs to be a celebration of life rather then a duty or task, I think I will find more joy in life. We all will.
I have ranted long enough, hope I made sense, because I am not sure I do.
As I continue to read through Jason's thesis, I am finding that celebration of self is a good thing. I have always known being alone at times feels good. In past entries I have mentioned that when I place more value on myself over others (community) I often feel guilty or selfish. Especially when someone calls me on my lack of participation in community, ie Scott. It feels good to celebrate self, but at the same time you kinda feel guilty or wonder if it is wrong of you for putting yourself over others, but it appears that this is an important function of ones own well being.
I want to take a moment to define what I feel self celebration is. Placing more value on yourself over the community does not mean using the community of others for your own personal agenda advancements. That I would find extremely selfish and it does nothing good for society. What self celebration means to me is a time to connect by yourself with your soul, heart, mind, and God. The connection with the community found within ourselves. Which I am gathering is what Whitman is sharing.
Being allowed to disconnect from the outer community, though Whitman applies that you can never really do that, but nonetheless, disconnected for a short time to find self realization, reflection, and regaining of strength has to be balanced with your participation in community. Balanced with the time you place outside community above yourself.
There is something to be admired with the self or personal sacrifice of one for the overall well being of the community. Something about being a super hero for a moment. The only problem is no one knows you are a hero or sees you as a hero. No one recognizes your uniform and cape. You feel beat up and drained, so you go and heal in that personal quiet place. You place value on yourself over community and celebrate your self.
I found that Jesus did this too, though he never disconnected from the community or relationship with the Father. Jesus would disconnect from the human community and go out on a boat, or into the wilderness, or find a garden for prayer, and climb to the tops of mountains, all for what Whitman called self celebration. A time to spend connecting with his soul and God, and it is good.
One last thought. If we are going to celebrate ourselves when we are alone, shouldn't we also celebrate when we are in community with each other?
How often do I feel obligated to participate in communities such as union meetings, birthday lunches, or church rather then looking forward to an oppurtunity to celebrate life with others? How often do I not answer the phone when I am really home, or feel obligated to hang out with someone in order not to hurt their feelings. I will tell you. A lot! And were is the celebration within that?
I told Ruben and Willie, that I sometimes miss the days where we all had tumbled together for a short time. I miss the community we once had, of Jason, Willie, Joey, Zane, Ruben, Matt, Jay, Leo, Codie, Kerra, Chandra, and the list goes on. I have realized though I may never see some of those people again, or have community with them, but what I have is great memories.
What has been sad is that when a few of us get together we try to relive those times, or try to recreate that sense of community we once had. But we always go back home empty handed thinking, man I wish it was like it use to be.
We have been getting it all wrong.
Those days are gone, and what made them special was our celebration. Our celebration of daily breakfast at Lyons, our weekend camp outs and barbecues. Our celebration of a beautiful afternoon, by cutting class and going to the mountains. I never ever felt obligated to go to Lyons, I never felt obligated to invite my friends camping, I wanted them there, I wanted to be there, but now the celebration has left me. Community connection often feels like a task rather then a celebration. When the boys all arrive in town I feel obligated to go out for one night so I don't offend anyone. What happen to the desire to celebrate our friendships.
If I can get the mind set of community participation needs to be a celebration of life rather then a duty or task, I think I will find more joy in life. We all will.
I have ranted long enough, hope I made sense, because I am not sure I do.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Submarines
I watched a television show last night about submarines. Those things amaze me. Here is a few things I learned last night.
Did you know that the first submarine was invented during the Revolutionary War? George Washington used it in a mission to attach a bomb to a British Ship, but it failed. They were also used in the civil war, but it was not until World War I that they became the killing machines they are today.
Now days, well at least during the 1980's the submarine could go 35 knots under water. That is almost 40 miles per hour. I mentioned the 80's because all the information the documentary shared was information from the 1980's. Who knows what they are capable of doing now days.
I was surprised to learn that submarines could launch several nuclear missiles that could travel a distance of 6,000 miles in the air. These missiles also have 8 individual nuclear war heads that could hit 8 different targets. One missile is 13,000 times more powerful then one of the nuclear bombs that was used on Japan in World War II. This one missile would change weather patterns and would release 250,000,000 tons of radio activity. I don't know how you measure radio activity, but I know 250 million of anything is a lot. If you had 250 million pennies, you would be a millionaire. You would have 2 and half million dollars. Submarines don't carry just one of these missiles they can carry and launch up to 24 of them.
What is sad to me is that we as humans have created our own demise, our own destruction and I don't know why. I guess out of fear or control. Fear of losing control has put us in a situation that could end life as we know it today and I am sadden by that.
I watched a television show last night about submarines. Those things amaze me. Here is a few things I learned last night.
Did you know that the first submarine was invented during the Revolutionary War? George Washington used it in a mission to attach a bomb to a British Ship, but it failed. They were also used in the civil war, but it was not until World War I that they became the killing machines they are today.
Now days, well at least during the 1980's the submarine could go 35 knots under water. That is almost 40 miles per hour. I mentioned the 80's because all the information the documentary shared was information from the 1980's. Who knows what they are capable of doing now days.
I was surprised to learn that submarines could launch several nuclear missiles that could travel a distance of 6,000 miles in the air. These missiles also have 8 individual nuclear war heads that could hit 8 different targets. One missile is 13,000 times more powerful then one of the nuclear bombs that was used on Japan in World War II. This one missile would change weather patterns and would release 250,000,000 tons of radio activity. I don't know how you measure radio activity, but I know 250 million of anything is a lot. If you had 250 million pennies, you would be a millionaire. You would have 2 and half million dollars. Submarines don't carry just one of these missiles they can carry and launch up to 24 of them.
What is sad to me is that we as humans have created our own demise, our own destruction and I don't know why. I guess out of fear or control. Fear of losing control has put us in a situation that could end life as we know it today and I am sadden by that.
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Super Friends
I like what Jason wrote in regards to our role in the Kosmos. About making a difference.
"i really think that people like us are the good guys. we're not all good, and we fully realize that. since we never will be, shouldnt we be doing as much as we can to change the world. arent we the Super Friends?--superman, wonderwoman, auquaman, green lantern, wonder twins. yeah, i think we are, but maybe we are still at home stitching our capes and uniforms. i sure know that i dont feel much like changing the world. it's too easy to kick it and critique it. " - Jason Walker
After reading that thought I had a flash back. For some reason a conversation I had back in 1998 with my friend Lisa Martin over lunch came to mind. We were at B.Ts and I told her that I want to do something great in life. I wanted to make a difference in such a way that after I died, they would name a park after me. Not because I donated a large amount of money so people feel obligated to, but rather because I made such an impact on others, they wanted to share my legacy with future generations. Is that vain? Are super hero's vain?
Well it's 5 years later and I lost my cape and costume. I missed placed it somewhere. I have not made any sort of difference in the way that I wanted to or once had the desire to. Now, I just want to get through life. I barley can help myself at times, let alone help others.
I find myself is a kunundrum as well. Part of me wants to be a super hero, the other part of me wants to hide out kicking and critiquing the world, where it is safe.
But if I can be a super friend, I want to be the Green Lantern.
I like what Jason wrote in regards to our role in the Kosmos. About making a difference.
"i really think that people like us are the good guys. we're not all good, and we fully realize that. since we never will be, shouldnt we be doing as much as we can to change the world. arent we the Super Friends?--superman, wonderwoman, auquaman, green lantern, wonder twins. yeah, i think we are, but maybe we are still at home stitching our capes and uniforms. i sure know that i dont feel much like changing the world. it's too easy to kick it and critique it. " - Jason Walker
After reading that thought I had a flash back. For some reason a conversation I had back in 1998 with my friend Lisa Martin over lunch came to mind. We were at B.Ts and I told her that I want to do something great in life. I wanted to make a difference in such a way that after I died, they would name a park after me. Not because I donated a large amount of money so people feel obligated to, but rather because I made such an impact on others, they wanted to share my legacy with future generations. Is that vain? Are super hero's vain?
Well it's 5 years later and I lost my cape and costume. I missed placed it somewhere. I have not made any sort of difference in the way that I wanted to or once had the desire to. Now, I just want to get through life. I barley can help myself at times, let alone help others.
I find myself is a kunundrum as well. Part of me wants to be a super hero, the other part of me wants to hide out kicking and critiquing the world, where it is safe.
But if I can be a super friend, I want to be the Green Lantern.
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Sundays Sermon
My wife and I both like Tim's sermon on Sunday and discussed it over dinner last night. A couple of things came up during our conversation that I wanted to share. Not that Tim's message was lacking in anyway, but rather to just expand with the thoughts that I have had.
I have never heard a sermon like the one I heard on Sunday. I have heard many sermons before that deliver the opposite message. About two months ago, I heard a preacher on the radio tell his audience that most Christians watch MTV, listen to rock music, and watch rated R movies, and that God was sadden over their disobedience. For Tim to say that maybe God really does not care brought a big smile upon my face. I wish the preacher I heard on the radio heard this message.
I like what Tim said about the love for your brother comes before your freedom. I was back packing through Yosemite two years ago and I read from Mark through Jude. While reading most of the books of the new testament, I found that love for others comes above your own freedom to be one of the common themes. Put others before your own freedom.
One thought that I had was that though we are free to live life and celebrate all moments, temperance is an important Christian Virtue that has to be considered. Meaning, that taking in unhealthy amounts of what ever it maybe could hamper your spiritual growth in the long run. It could be anything, Strong Drink, Cigars, Food, Spending Money, Material Items.
I am now beginning to sound hypercritical. Though this is important to me, I don't live this virtue out all the time. This weekend, I spent money I did not have, just charge it. Most American are over weight because what is good (food) is taken in excess. Temperance is not considered while eating, or spending, and drinking in my house hold as much as it should.
Another thought was the bible verse you most likely will hear when someone disapproves of you going to a rated R movie or maybe to a pub. "Guard your Heart. "(Philippians 4:7)
That verse right there is taken out of context. What the whole verse says is "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. "
What Paul was saying was that with this peace that you have received from God, it will guard your hearts and minds, from anxiety, and fear.
I know Paul instructs the followers of Christ to cast out impure thoughts. What may entice or provoke impure thoughts in my mind, may not for for others. If I have decided, for my own spiritual wellbeing that watching Wild on E provokes impure thoughts because of all the women in bikinis does that mean I have a right to force my convictions upon others. Does that mean My wife can not watch the show. No. I don't think watching Wild on E for Audrey would provoke the same thoughts as it may for me. So, in my case I have casted out not only the impure thoughts, but something that a lot of times provokes them and that is what works for me. But my brothers and sisters in Christ have the freedom to watch Wild on E because maybe it is a good show about places to travel to.
My wife and I both like Tim's sermon on Sunday and discussed it over dinner last night. A couple of things came up during our conversation that I wanted to share. Not that Tim's message was lacking in anyway, but rather to just expand with the thoughts that I have had.
I have never heard a sermon like the one I heard on Sunday. I have heard many sermons before that deliver the opposite message. About two months ago, I heard a preacher on the radio tell his audience that most Christians watch MTV, listen to rock music, and watch rated R movies, and that God was sadden over their disobedience. For Tim to say that maybe God really does not care brought a big smile upon my face. I wish the preacher I heard on the radio heard this message.
I like what Tim said about the love for your brother comes before your freedom. I was back packing through Yosemite two years ago and I read from Mark through Jude. While reading most of the books of the new testament, I found that love for others comes above your own freedom to be one of the common themes. Put others before your own freedom.
One thought that I had was that though we are free to live life and celebrate all moments, temperance is an important Christian Virtue that has to be considered. Meaning, that taking in unhealthy amounts of what ever it maybe could hamper your spiritual growth in the long run. It could be anything, Strong Drink, Cigars, Food, Spending Money, Material Items.
I am now beginning to sound hypercritical. Though this is important to me, I don't live this virtue out all the time. This weekend, I spent money I did not have, just charge it. Most American are over weight because what is good (food) is taken in excess. Temperance is not considered while eating, or spending, and drinking in my house hold as much as it should.
Another thought was the bible verse you most likely will hear when someone disapproves of you going to a rated R movie or maybe to a pub. "Guard your Heart. "(Philippians 4:7)
That verse right there is taken out of context. What the whole verse says is "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. "
What Paul was saying was that with this peace that you have received from God, it will guard your hearts and minds, from anxiety, and fear.
I know Paul instructs the followers of Christ to cast out impure thoughts. What may entice or provoke impure thoughts in my mind, may not for for others. If I have decided, for my own spiritual wellbeing that watching Wild on E provokes impure thoughts because of all the women in bikinis does that mean I have a right to force my convictions upon others. Does that mean My wife can not watch the show. No. I don't think watching Wild on E for Audrey would provoke the same thoughts as it may for me. So, in my case I have casted out not only the impure thoughts, but something that a lot of times provokes them and that is what works for me. But my brothers and sisters in Christ have the freedom to watch Wild on E because maybe it is a good show about places to travel to.
Monday, November 03, 2003
About my thoughts on Kosmos
I wanted to add that the last entry was not an attack or by any means a discredit to Walt Whitman's idea or Jason's idea of Kosmos ( as a community).
I just wanted to say that whenever I learn something new or I come across a thought that is provoking I have to measure it up to my faith.
I have to see if it fits within my realm of thinking. Not that I am closed minded, but rather I am wanting to grown. I have to think about how this new thought or idea compares or applies to what I have become to believe is true.
So therefore, my faith often comes up first because that is what I have found to define myself. If my faith defines me, I am quick to defend that. But I don't want to defend it in the sense of close mindedness or hostility, but rather through open mindedness and acceptances of new ideas. What can I learn? And with what I have learned, how does that fit in my faith, or at least of what I know about faith.
I found that what Jason was sharing about Walt Whitman fits very nicely in what I have already come to believe.
Really what it did was support what I believe to be true about the community of God and beings and it put it in better terms then what I have heard before.
I am not sure why I needed to explain where I was and am coming from. I guess I just did not want to be misunderstood as one trying to press my beliefs upon others. Because that is not the case.
I wanted to add that the last entry was not an attack or by any means a discredit to Walt Whitman's idea or Jason's idea of Kosmos ( as a community).
I just wanted to say that whenever I learn something new or I come across a thought that is provoking I have to measure it up to my faith.
I have to see if it fits within my realm of thinking. Not that I am closed minded, but rather I am wanting to grown. I have to think about how this new thought or idea compares or applies to what I have become to believe is true.
So therefore, my faith often comes up first because that is what I have found to define myself. If my faith defines me, I am quick to defend that. But I don't want to defend it in the sense of close mindedness or hostility, but rather through open mindedness and acceptances of new ideas. What can I learn? And with what I have learned, how does that fit in my faith, or at least of what I know about faith.
I found that what Jason was sharing about Walt Whitman fits very nicely in what I have already come to believe.
Really what it did was support what I believe to be true about the community of God and beings and it put it in better terms then what I have heard before.
I am not sure why I needed to explain where I was and am coming from. I guess I just did not want to be misunderstood as one trying to press my beliefs upon others. Because that is not the case.
"Kosmos"
I am hung up on Jason's entry about Kosmos. I actually went to bed thinking about it, I dreamt of it, and I woke up thinking about it. I was wondering how the God I know fits into a Kosmos. I believe what Jason has learned from Walt Whitman is probably the best definition of the community of God and Beings I have ever read or heard.
Jason wrote that the Greek definition of Kosmos is order, Harmony, Beauty, and Universe. That sounds like the Garden of Eden and Heaven to me. And if you take Walt Whitman's paradox of Kosmos as a person, well the Trinity fits pretty well.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is a community in its self of Harmony, Order, Beauty and Universe. We as human beings once had this Kosmos with ourselves and God prior to the fall of man.
I believe that we are made in the image of God, and that we need to strive for godliness. Maybe that starts with finding Order, Harmony, Beauty within ourselves. Then we would maybe be better equipped to live out the Kosmos in terms of connecting with all living beings.
And as Jason put it best, you bring that about by love. For love is the adhesive for Kosmos.
All this seems to be summed up by the Great Commandment Jesus spoke of. "Love your God with all your heart and Love your neighbor as your self.
Love God, Neighbor and Self which will then bring about Kosmos.
I am hung up on Jason's entry about Kosmos. I actually went to bed thinking about it, I dreamt of it, and I woke up thinking about it. I was wondering how the God I know fits into a Kosmos. I believe what Jason has learned from Walt Whitman is probably the best definition of the community of God and Beings I have ever read or heard.
Jason wrote that the Greek definition of Kosmos is order, Harmony, Beauty, and Universe. That sounds like the Garden of Eden and Heaven to me. And if you take Walt Whitman's paradox of Kosmos as a person, well the Trinity fits pretty well.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is a community in its self of Harmony, Order, Beauty and Universe. We as human beings once had this Kosmos with ourselves and God prior to the fall of man.
I believe that we are made in the image of God, and that we need to strive for godliness. Maybe that starts with finding Order, Harmony, Beauty within ourselves. Then we would maybe be better equipped to live out the Kosmos in terms of connecting with all living beings.
And as Jason put it best, you bring that about by love. For love is the adhesive for Kosmos.
All this seems to be summed up by the Great Commandment Jesus spoke of. "Love your God with all your heart and Love your neighbor as your self.
Love God, Neighbor and Self which will then bring about Kosmos.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Why I love Kleenex
I normally don't talk about bathroom experiences, or even find potty humor all that funny, but I have a story. I tell this story so that you may not be caught off guard like I was! This is actually an educational blog entry, so take notes.
So, it was Thursday, the night that I had the house all to myself. There is a reason why when my wife came home that night there was a little spunk in my step.
See, after using the restroom in the hall way I noticed that there was no toilet paper. No big deal I thought. So I peaked under the bathroom sink, nothing.
Ok I thought, so I flushed and then waddled to the laundry closet with my pants and underwear around my ankles. I opened up the closet and of course none there either. Dang it! I didn't panic yet because there was still the master bathroom. So there I went waddling down the hallway looking for T.P.
Thank God all the window blinds were shut because there was children outside playing.
So now there's trouble because the master bathroom was also out! At that point I began to panic. I came up with two options, I knew for a fact that there was paper towels in the kitchen, or I could just take a shower. I really did not want to go through the hassle of showering at 5:30 in the evening, so I began to waddle to the kitchen.
Then out of the corner of my eye something caught my eye. There was a light shining over it and angles were singing. It was a box of Kleenex on the dresser. This is not your ordinary Kleenex, this was Kleenex with moisturizer. Let me tell you, it was a treat. Why don't they make T.P. like that. I would buy it in a heart beat.
Anyhow, that's why I thank God for Kleenex!
I normally don't talk about bathroom experiences, or even find potty humor all that funny, but I have a story. I tell this story so that you may not be caught off guard like I was! This is actually an educational blog entry, so take notes.
So, it was Thursday, the night that I had the house all to myself. There is a reason why when my wife came home that night there was a little spunk in my step.
See, after using the restroom in the hall way I noticed that there was no toilet paper. No big deal I thought. So I peaked under the bathroom sink, nothing.
Ok I thought, so I flushed and then waddled to the laundry closet with my pants and underwear around my ankles. I opened up the closet and of course none there either. Dang it! I didn't panic yet because there was still the master bathroom. So there I went waddling down the hallway looking for T.P.
Thank God all the window blinds were shut because there was children outside playing.
So now there's trouble because the master bathroom was also out! At that point I began to panic. I came up with two options, I knew for a fact that there was paper towels in the kitchen, or I could just take a shower. I really did not want to go through the hassle of showering at 5:30 in the evening, so I began to waddle to the kitchen.
Then out of the corner of my eye something caught my eye. There was a light shining over it and angles were singing. It was a box of Kleenex on the dresser. This is not your ordinary Kleenex, this was Kleenex with moisturizer. Let me tell you, it was a treat. Why don't they make T.P. like that. I would buy it in a heart beat.
Anyhow, that's why I thank God for Kleenex!
